Worth A Thousand Words

Almost Done

2006-05-02T17:18:00.000-04:00

This move is going to go down in history as the longest ever.

EVER!

We go back to Houghton tonight to meet the movers tomorrow and get our stuff delivered on Thursday.

Really, it hasn't been that long. It's just that patience is a virtue I'm lacking.

Big time.

Also, why am I having such a hard time getting used to central time?

I need a good night of sleep.

Or a venti caramel machiatto.

Whatever works :)

Once upon a time...

2006-04-27T16:22:00.000-04:00

There was a girl who worked long hours in a newsroom. She loved her job, loved her friends, loved her home. But something was missing.

Until the girl met a prince who convinced her to leave her newsroom for life in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

The girl was very happy in the Great White North, but just a little sad because the part of her brain that thrived on working in the newsroom was bored.

And then one day the prince took a job in a bigger city, and the girl decided to apply for another job in a newsroom.

AND SHE GOT IT!!!!

I start working again on May 22nd and I couldnt be happier :)

Flight Attendants Prepare for Landing

2006-04-25T10:39:00.000-04:00

Somewhere between Iron Mountain and home, I had a revelation. This has all been a holding pattern. Waiting. Flying in circles. Unable, or maybe unwilling, to truly put down roots.
Now we're ready to land. To establish ourselves as a married couple in a new city. To have the life we both want.
And in honor of this momentous occassion, I'm going to quote L.L. Cool J.
Seriously.
Last week, I saw him on the View (I know...WHY??) and he said something that has stuck with me ever since.
"Dreams don't have deadlines"
Think about it.
"Dreams don't have deadlines"
How often do we give up on dreams because it's taking too long? How often do we move on to something else because we're tired of rejection? How often do we do the easy thing?
Now granted, L.L. was talking about how he thinks it's okay to be approaching his 40s and still rapping....but I feel like this quote completely applies to my life.
My life as a wife.
My life as a news producer.
My life as a designer/artist/photographer.
Really, truly, seriously....MY DREAMS DON'T HAVE DEADLINES.

What a Day

2006-04-19T21:25:00.000-04:00

It's funny, meeting someone you know. It's a part of the internet world that I still haven't wrapped my brain around yet. The idea that I can email with someone daily for a year, and then "meet" them. But aren't we already friends? Even though we've never actually shared the same airspace? It's just a weird little twist that technology has thrown into our modern day lives. But as weird as the feeling is, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Because without the internet I'd never have met some outstanding women I consider to be great friends.

Like Sharyn, who was nice enough to invite me to freeze my butt off with her at the beach. And she let me take pictures of her kids. And post them on the internet. Because that is what we scrapbookers do. We take pictures of eachother, and then we share them with the rest of our internet friends in the hopes that someday we'll all be able to meet in one big crazy party.

Until then...there's always email.

Cheap Therapy

2006-04-13T21:05:00.000-04:00

Thinking a lot about my mom today. And now the question is, will she still love me when she finds out I did a layout about her wrinkles?? Welcome to real life.

Mom

2006-04-13T08:40:00.000-04:00

That's my mom. Sometimes she drives me crazy. But I love her. And today she needs prayers. Yesterday, her doctor saw something on her chest xray. She smoked for more than 30 years. She quit two years ago. Tomorrow, she'll undergo a CTscan to get a better look. I'm hoping Good Friday is in fact good this year.

If you're happy and you know it...

2006-04-09T20:53:00.000-04:00

It's fun to have a secret for a while. It adds an element of excitement to everything. A reason to smirk at yourself in the mirror. Because you know something that nobody else knows.

That's been me for the past couple of weeks. Even in the midst of my whole back breaking debacle, I still had those crazy little butterflies in my tummy. The sign of something totally exciting right around the bend. My very own little secret.

But the best part of secrets is that eventually you can share them. And then the excitement starts all over again because suddenly you can talk about this exciting thing that you've been hiding from the world. You can watch as other people try not to go crazy as you incessantly talk about your secret.

So...here's mine....

WE"RE MOVING!!!!!

I've said it before: I'm not cut out for life in the Upper Peninsula. I would have lived here as long as necessary. I would have eventually made this place home. But the fact that I don't have to....the fact that I can just visit this place during the summer, or maybe for winter carnival....SO exciting to me!

On May 1st Karl will start his new job in Appleton, WI. That's right, Karl and I are becoming cheeseheads. We were in Appleton this weekend to find a place to live. Mission accomplished. I'm about to be an apartment resident again. For some reason this excites me to. I think everyone expected us to be sad about downsizing to an apartment, giving up the house for a year. But honestly, I'm thrilled. We get to simplify!!! We get to purge!!! It's like spring cleaning to the extreme.

Karl is thrilled about his new job and the oppurtunities it will bring him. And I'm really excited for him because I know how important it is to love your work. The company he'll be working for is huge, and the sky is the limit for his future. I'm so proud of him.

And my personal excitement....the thing that I lay in bed thinking about at night these days....I'm going to get back into television. When I moved here almost two years ago, I thought I could give it up. I loved my career, but I felt like it was time to leave it behind. I figured it would just become a part of who I was...something that gave me stories to share in years to come. What I didn't realize until I left was that news remains a part of me no matter where I am. And now I'll have the chance to use those skills again. I feel like I'm getting the chance to start over. But to be better this time.

So there you have it. My big secret revealed.

Now I have to figure out how to pack boxes without lifting, twisting, or bending.

Thank goodness for movers!

BACKed into a corner

2006-04-05T10:19:00.000-04:00

It has been brought to my attention by Sharyn, that it's April.

And I haven't written.

Because my back decided to go and break on me. At a time when there are just a few other things I should be worrying about, I woke up one morning unable to walk. A few xrays and an MRI later I was diagnosed herniated, and torn, and bulging.

I don't like any of those words.

I feel like I'm doing the stages of grief in a way. But in a weird bizarre order, because I'm not really doing grief. Just a bunch of different emotions.

Sometimes all at once.

(Am I channelling Kelli crowe? With the short sentences? She's so cute..and wee. I bet her back doesn't just up and break on her!)

So, I'm broken. And at first I was really scared. Because words like "cortizone shot" and "surgery" scare the bejeezus out of me. Then I was desperate. Because I was on vacation, and away from my husband, and not in my own bed. And missing a really cool scrapbook convention that I was supposed to be working at.

Now: well now I'm mad. I'm blaming the steroids for giving me 'roid rage! Really! Like, I could throw my shoe across the room, that is if I could reach my feet to remove said shoe. I'm mad because I've got stuff to do! Stuff that involves secrets I haven't shared yet. Stuff that involves being able to put my own clothes on, tie my own shoes, shave my own legs. Stuff that involves sitting up in a chair, driving in a car, not having to take mind numbing pain killers.

And have I mentioned we were trying to have a baby? Like, finally. After doing everything we said we'd do so we'd be ready to be parents. Finally, both of us on board. Ready to get to the fun stuff.

And then my back broke.

Thankfully, God saw all this coming and didn't get me pregnant yet, because I don't know HOW that would have worked. I'm pretty sure Darvocet is bad for babies. As are Xrays and MRIs.

But now I've gone from Baby? Maybe? to Baby? Definitely not right now. And maybe not for a while if I have to have surgery.

And I'm sad/mad/and sad again.

My foot itches. I can't reach it.

And I need to buy Nair because at this rate I'm never going to be able to reach my ankles with a razor.

***this rant brought to you by Methylpredisolone and Darvocet. And the letter G for Grrrrrrr****

Where's March?

2006-03-18T14:25:00.000-05:00

Okay, so what's up with the months flying by thing? Can we really be almost done with the first quarter of 06? Do you know all the plans I have for 06? And how many are not even near being started and it's almost a quarter over? Isn't this supposed to be the slow part of the year where people sit around, do their taxes and plan for spring?

The past week has been a mixed bag for sure. The lows, albeit expected, of not getting a HOF call. The lower lows, because I was hopeful, of not getting a HM call. The highs include a dozen yellow roses sitting on my table, a gift from the world's best husband who not only brings me flowers but also remembers that I don't like red roses so he gets yellow. And even though he doesn't know this, yellow is a color I struggle with in scrapbooking, so buying me yellow roses makes me take pictures of them....and then figure out a way to scrapbook yellow. See, he's helping me grow in my art without even realizing it :)

Another high this week....signing up to "get curvy." In other words, I joined Curves. I'm not sure yet whether it's going to be a comfortable environment, but I'll give it a shot. Mini-rant to follow...You ready??

WHERE ARE THE TWENTY SOMETHING NEWLY MARRIED WITHOUT KIDS IN THIS TOWN???? Seriously, they don't exist. I am convinced of it. Karl and I are the only ones! Is it too much to ask for to not be the youngest person at Curves by a good 25 years? Age normally doesn't bother me. I have many friends who are signifigantly older than me, doesn't bother me at all. I have a few friends who are a few years younger than me, again not a big deal. But there is something to be said for having friends who are in the same stage of their lives. I want to go out with another couple for dinner. I want to have a couple over to play board games. I want to have intelligent conversations....or stupid ones about pop culture. I don't want to feel like the outcast without kids... I have no kids to scrapbook...isn't that bad enough? :)

Off to South Florida next week. I know I'll appreciate the U.P. more when I come back. Nothing like a trip to the land of cookie cutter homes, cookie cutter boobs, and fake tans to make you thankful for real life.

Lady in Waiting

2006-03-10T13:00:00.000-05:00

I've said it before: I don't do delayed gratification well.

I think it's why I was such a good fit for tv news. Every day I started with a fresh slate and every night I went home, having put a show on the air. Very rarely did I have something hanging over my head.

With that said, I've been doing a lot of waiting lately, and I'm in good company. In addition to all of the craziness with where we might live, and work, and when we might add to our family, there's the little matter of Hall of Fame. Those ten lovely assignments I shipped off 6 weeks ago with the hope that someone at CK would love them half as much as I do. And after a month of putting it on the back burner, call week is here.

Suddenly it's the only thing I can think about. I think about it while I'm catching up on emails, reading the message boards, folding laundry, cleaning the kitchen...you get the drift. It's on my mind a lot. And the funny thing is, it's not that I really sincerely expected to get a call when I sent in my entry. But now that I've had time to think about it, I've had time to HOPE. And hope can be a dangerous thing in cases like this. Because it will make the rejection harder.

So wait I will, and in the meantime there are plenty of things on my plate.

Sorry!

2006-03-03T10:29:00.000-05:00

I know...I've been a blogging slacker. Life somehow got in the way this past month. What happened to February? Really!

Quick update on my life:

Florida was wonderful, as was the cruise. A bird pooped on my head. We're pretty sure that it's good luck, as well as not a legit way to contract birdflu.

I'm currently in Evansville, helping my cousin plan her wedding. Rather, I'm helping my second cousin plan her wedding, while keeping my first cousin (the mother of the bride) from killing my second cousin. It's been drama from the moment my flight landed a week ago. I've had a lovely time helping, but I will be glad to curl up in my own bed tomorrow night.

And finally, I'm sick. The kind of sick where breathing out of your nose is flat out impossible. The kind of sick where my normally cheerful voice now resembles that of an 80 year old chain smoker. And the chain smoker gave me her cough too.

I'm sure Karl will be just thrilled to see me tomorrow....if I can manage not to get snot on him when he hugs me hello. Romantic reunion at the airport? HA!

Oh Baby

2006-02-08T21:46:00.000-05:00

Is it any wonder I have babies on the brain when my friends are handing me pictures like this??? Sooooooo cute.

This may be the last layout I get to before my big vacation. And if it is, then it was worth it. I feel like I'm getting in touch with my girly side :)

Dun, Dun Dun Dun, DONE!!!!

2006-01-28T22:04:00.000-05:00

It's done. It's packed up. It goes postal on Monday.

Great rejoicing at 303 Frankin today.

Now if only I could celebrate with mass quantities of chocolate, and fast forward till March 15th.

And as an aside...in the midst of this frantic HOF prep...I've done 31 layouts this month. That's more than one a day!

Sweet!

The reality of 5x5

2006-01-27T08:14:00.000-05:00

Confession: I'm not so good at the whole "measurement thing." I'm not good at estimating height, weight, size in general. I need to SEE it to get it. As such, it should be no suprise that I was concerned about putting together my HOF entry. All the layouts printed at less than 6x6?? How is that possible? How will they be able to SEE how fabulous they are?? But they won't be able to read my awesome JOURNALING???

Well, it appears that I'll need to find another excuse for not making the HOF team this year. Because 5x5 is a whole heck of a lot larger than I thought. After printing out all my journaling to attach for easier reading....I actually printed my entry. And holy cow. 5x5 is big! You can see the layouts. You can see the details. You can READ THE JOURNALING.

Now here's where I've got to laugh. Because I've made 6x6 albums. When I see a 6x6 album, I don't think its not legible. So why in the world did that not translate to the perception of my entry?

I like to say I'm smarter than I look...but in this case. Not so much.

In other news....While he's simply adorable, Walker's brain is probably the size of a pecan. And it shows. Yesterday I had a sneezing fit. Perhaps it has something to do with the last time I dusted. Do I remember the last time I dusted. Hmmmmm... Anyway, my lack of housekeeping skills doesn't matter in this story. We're talking about the dog. So I'm having one of my how many times can you sneeze in the next 60 seconds episodes and Walker freaks! I swear he thought I was trying to TALK to him. Does a sneeze sound like a bark? First sneeze caught his attention. Second sneeze I got the classic Walker head tilt. Sneeze three he starts vocalizing. By the time I was done sneezing the dog was seated at my feet attempting to match each sneeze with a similar dog noise.

I love him...but he's not very smart :)

Where have all the Original Ideas gone?

2006-01-23T23:02:00.000-05:00

Forget the good men...I have one of those...but I'm really beginning to think all of the original ideas are taken. I can't explain much without giving away something I'm not allowed to...but let's just say I thought I was on to something. I thought I had an idea that would knock some socks off. And then I saw it. "It" being something that wasn't quite my idea, but close. Close enough that if someone saw my idea, and this other idea together they'd think one was inspired by the other. The funny thing being ofcourse that my idea has been in it's complete form for days now, and I just saw this other thing a couple of hours ago. When I first made this discovery, I was crushed....devestated....ready to throw in the towel.

But the good news is, I expressed these ridiculous feelings to someone I respect very much. And that someone informed me original ideas don't exist, and basically to get over it. Well, she didn't say get over it, but that's the way I took it. So I'm dusting myself off, holding on to my no longer completely original idea...and I'm running with it. And hopefully...just maybe....it's still cool enough to knock off a sock or two.

Here's a remarkable thought: I'm happy now. Really Happy. And I can't point to one specific thing that's making it so. And to me, that is the greatest thing ever. Because if there was something specific responsible for my happiness, then if you took that something out of the equation: goodbye happy. But with this general feeling of happiness....I feel like I can hang on to it, like it just might stick around for a while.

Okay, who am I kidding? I'm happy because I'm going to Florida in 18 days. A little over two weeks and I'll be "Walking on Sunshine." Warmth. Sun. Mickey Mouse. Cruise Ship. Pool. Fruity drinks with an umbrella...just for me. Oh Happy Happy day.

See, when it comes to life in the Upper Peninsula, I think I've found my survival strategy: Escape in February. Remind myself that the sun really exists. Hey...I wonder if that's an original idea :)

Monday Monday

2006-01-23T08:31:00.000-05:00

The sun is up, and Walker is manning his post at the window...growling at the snow plow. I think we got a couple new inches last night. Just enough to have to shovel the steps...grumble grumble

Yes, it's Monday morning.

I'm hoping and praying that this is the Monday my dear friend Caroline will have her second little baby. She's like 12 months pregnant (okay, not really...but close enough) and VERY tired of getting the "You're still here?" question every morning at work, so for her sake I hope baby snowflake decides today is a good day to be born. Plus, selfishly...I want to know if baby snowflake is a boy or a girl. And I want to shop.

Oh, and new baby pictures to scrapbook....how fun will that be? :)

Speaking of scrapping...I have some work to do today. HOF WILL be mailed this week. No more questioning myself. I'll be happy to have it out of my hands.

Countdown to our Mickey Mouse Trip: 18 days!

Heikenpaiva!

2006-01-21T19:11:00.000-05:00

Are you cold now? Because I am. And I get the chills just looking at this picture. Perhaps that's because it reminds me of being knee deep in snow, cold wind blowing in my face, hunched over....just to get this shot. It was our weekend adventure....the pursuit of a few good winter pictures for a project I'm working on. This is one of MANY we took.
But because of this adventure, we missed out on Heikenpaiva!! I'm totally bummed that I didn't realize today was the day. Heikenpaiva is Finnish for Winter Festival (I think) but that's not what I think it means. See, I'm not Finnish, not at all, but I know that Heikenpaiva really means "Crazy people jumping in the Portage"
You see, one of the festival events involves a bunch of people, in their skivvies, jumping into the Portage while other, fully dressed people watch and shake their heads in disbelief. Craziness. There was also a parade, a boot throwing contest, and a wife carrying race. See...this is what happens when it snows six months of the year. Desperate times call for desperate forms of entertainment.
So yes, I did get some awesome pictures, but Karl didn't get to carry me in the race. I'm sure he's devestated :)
I wonder how long I have to live her to be an honorary Finlander. I mean I already know how to say FLOWER SHOP. What more could I need?

Three Down

2006-01-17T08:57:00.000-05:00

It is with great joy that I can report I have three layouts complete for my Hall of Fame entry. And all three of them are assignment layouts. So that means only three more assignment layouts and the rest are freebies. The freebies stress me SO much less than the assignments. And the good news is I LOVE the three that are done. LOVE them. And that's the goal I set for myself in all of this. Creating Keepsakes may not love my entry but I will love it. I will be proud of my work. That's all I can ask for.

I'm shooting for finishing off three more today. 6 of 10. Pretty good for over two weeks before my self imposed mailing deadline.

Me, the deadline girl, NOT working down to the deadline? Somebody alert the press :)

The fun starts in 7 minutes

2006-01-16T08:53:00.000-05:00

7 minutes to write a blog entry? Can I do it? We'll see.

I've set the 7 minute deadline because of one of my odd little quirks. I must start things at a "logical" time on the clock. Maybe it's the procrastinator in me, but why start something at 8:54 when you can put it off until 9? I do things on the quarter hour. I've always been this way. It was made worse by working overnights. Oops...it's 3:38am...I'll have to wait until 3:45 to start scripts. Yup...I'm SUCH a procrastinator.

So, now 5 more minutes to write the blog entry, so that I can start on my to do list at 9am....

Walker is currently having a lovely discussion with the St. Bernard that's across the street peeing in the grass. It basically consists of Walker climbing as close to the window as he can get, nose pressed against the glass, WHINING the most sad and pitiful tale ever. "Ooooooh, my mommy never takes me ooooooooout. Look at that lucky doooooooooooog, his mommy takes him for waaaaaaaaaalks." It's cold outside, it's icy, and my dog doesn't have manners on a leash. I take him out for a walk and ten dollars says I'll have a broken arm/leg/other bone by the time we're done. So during the winter months, Walker must settle for runs on his lead in the backyard. It's safer that way.

I'm now reminded that I need to wash the front windows....there are way too many puppy noseprints.

Down to 3 minutes now....better make this fast.

My HOF layouts are very much in progress. I didn't get anything done on them yesterday because my "memory item" assignment required a trip to Menards in Marquette. Yes, a hardware superstore for a scrapbooking contest. Stranger things have happened. But I DID get some great brainstorming in on the drive. Karl is great like that, he listens as I spout off ideas about journaling and titles, etc. I'm standing by my goal to keep Walker in less than half of my entries. But it's HARD!!!! My dog is too cute to be restricted.

And on that note: It's 9am. Do you know where your scrapbook supplies are?

It's Been a While....

2006-01-13T09:49:00.000-05:00

I've come here a few times over the past few days to write an entry. And I write something, and delete it, write something else, and then delete it again.

I made some goals for 2006, and sticking to them is going to be hard. Because it seems right now I'm in a season of self doubt. There are projects I want to take on, things I want to try, goals I want to achieve but self doubt is a really strong thing. And right now it's outweighing my faith in myself.

I waited until it was almost too late to mail my Scrapworks design team entry. Because it's something I want. And I know the other people that are applying. And I know the field is limited. And it's not even like I don't think I could handle it, or that I'm not talented enough. It's just that I doubt my ability to stand out. I have one publication under my belt, going up against girls who've been on magazine design teams, past contest winners, other manufacturer's designers. Nothing on my resume makes me stand out.

Am I enough?

Starting in an industry is HARD. I know, I did it in television. I worked at small market stations. I worked the odd hours, the overnights, the weekends. I spent years of my life on call. And I proved myself. I worked my way up the chain of command. When I left my old station, they knew they could count on me. I was the person to handle the breaking news. Even when it wasn't my show, I was in the booth. I had faith in myself when I was in that job. I knew I could handle it.

And the truth is, I know I can handle whatever this new industry throws at me. I just need that chance. The one chance to prove that I can do it.

Until then, it's just a matter of keeping those self doubt thoughts at bay. A matter of continuing to send off the entries, submitting the layouts, creating things that are true to myself.

The rest will follow

Mission Organization

2006-01-05T19:30:00.000-05:00

I'm in love. This is my newly altered Simple Scrapbooks Planner. Confession: I'm not a big alter-er. Confession: I'm not really a planner girl. So can someone explain why I love this thing so stinkin much?

To answer my own question, I think it's because it appeals to my creative mind. I love the creative prompts throughout. I like the mini post-its. I love the vellum envelopes for things I will encounter and want to keep. I love that I've made it entirely mine thanks to a little help from Chatterbox. Just don't ask how I managed to get white paint on my black yoga pants during the creation of said perfect planner.

I feel like I'm full of thought these days. You know that feeling like your brain just won't shut off? I'm dreaming about scrapbooking at night. I wake up at 3am with IDEAS. If you asked my at 3am what I was planning to do the following morning I think I would give you a list a mile long. It's remarkable the energy I have in the middle of the night when getting up isn't feasible. So then ofcourse I lay in bed and think on these fabulous ideas. And when morning comes and it's time to spring to action, somehow I don't have quite the pop I did at 3. Silly body clock.

I've had a victorious day. I conquered the Christmas tree. It is down, boxed up and stacked in the loft along with the rubbermaids of ornaments for Karl to take downstairs. We're a good team. He's not so big on the taking down and putting away of the delicate ornaments. I am not so big on the carrying of large boxes down two flights of steep stairs. So I pack up, he hauls. And we all lived happily ever after...

Second victory of the day: making it to the gym. I love my new gym. I love that the free weights are downstairs and therefore most of the stinky smelly grunting boys are also downstairs. I, on the other hand, head straight up stairs to the world of cardio and weight machines. It's brighter, cleaner, less smelly, and over all quieter. Not that the quiet part matters...I have my MP3 player. All I can hear from the moment I take my first step on the elliptical is BareNaked Ladies. There's an amazing comfort in doing something so familiar: mindlessly moving on the elliptical, listening to my "workout tunes". Even though I've been here for a year, there are very few things that are familiar and safe for me here. But on that elliptical take me back to the Y in Knoxville. Comfort and Familiarity.

And on that note, I'm going to go fill in some more stuff in my super cool new planner. Here's to a comfortable, familiar and ORGANIZED 2006

Progress: Slow and Steady

2006-01-05T09:02:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it's not rational to think I can tackle a month long to do list in one day. SO I'll just settle for progress. A few items a day. And I'll take joy in the methodical crossing off of items on the list. I started off by making check marks next to the things I completed, but then that didn't feel quite so rewarding. So now I get to make a nice, strong, line through the item. Wahoo! Done!

In to do list news: We officially have our reservations for dinners at Disney. We'll be having dinner at Ohana with my dad and brother on our first night in town. That'll be fun. We're also dining at Cinderella's Castle as part of our uber romantic Valentines Day in the Magic Kingdom.

Oh, and Walker has his reservation at the doggie spa. Okay, it's the local kennel. But it makes me feel better to think that he's having his own little vacation while we're away.

To be posted later: my photo of the day. We finally let Walker express his feelings about the new year, the hats and the noisemakers. Rage, pure rage.

Happy Thursday!

One Check at a Time

2006-01-04T08:37:00.000-05:00

I have a list. A to do list that is ten miles long. Not really...but I gave up after putting 40 items on there. Some are little ones...like making doctors appointments. Others are huge ones like completing my HOF entries. At first I was freaking, completely overwhelmed. Now I think I'm just going to go about crossing things off the list.

So here's what I'm going to shoot for today:

take down the tree and assorted decorations
make kennel reservations for Walker in February
Christmas thank you notes
Clean bathrooms
Complete one layout for either HOF or Scrapworks
Take and post my Photo of the Day

That should keep me busy right?

Have I mentioned?

2006-01-03T08:50:00.000-05:00

That I love my dog? And my camera? At the moment not sure which I love more :) This is today's photo of the day for the Two Peas Pub challenge. I'm a little behind. I swear I took pictures for the 1st and 2nd. It just the uploading that I haven't gotten around to yet.

I love the fact that the floor in my scraproom is CLEAN! No scraps of paper on the floor, no brads rolling around. And I'm not trying to wrangle something out of Walker's mouth. Clean is productive. Organized is efficient. Schedules are my friend.

Starting the new year off on the right foot. Peaceful.

A Dog and His Couch

2006-01-02T19:02:00.000-05:00

In my scraproom/family room/ dining room, there's a big ugly couch. I'm talking circa 1975 complete with the weird wood legs and the ugly brown and orange plaid fabric. It was a hand me down that's been handed down one too many times. If it weren't so damn heavy, it would have been hauled to the dump long ago. But as ugly as it is, it's also a bit comfy, and so it stays.
Walker has claimed this couch as his own. As a puppy he "marked his territory" on said couch. Thanks to the creation of effective stain remover, it doesn't smell like dog pee anymore. But, it's still Walker's couch. You can't sit on that couch without it being an open invitation for a dog on your lap. It's in your best interest NOT to lay on the couch as Walker will then in turn lay ON YOU. The couch is also right in front of our front windows. This means it's a prime spot for Walker to defend his people by barking at passing dogs, people, birds, and my personal favorite...spirits that only he can see.
It's also his hiding spot. If you're missing something, check the couch. If an item was ever to hit the floor, and not be picked up immediately, chances are Walker has come through, swooped it up, and buried it deep between the cushions. Then, because he is not the smartest of God's creatures, he will try to cover it with "dirt", rubbing his nose over the cushion repeatedly. It doesn't matter how silly he looks, he thinks its fabulously effective. The couch is his treasure chest of "very special toys."
At the moment he's currently standing on the arm of the big ugly couch, staring out the window, and holding in his mouth his most recent "very special toy" a switchplate cover. I'm too tired, and too amused, to take it away from him. Any guesses on how long it will take for him to bury this treasure?

Even Years are my Friend

2006-01-01T14:25:00.000-05:00

2006 will be a good year. Not that 2005 was a bad one really, just hard. Maybe harder than it needed to be. Maybe I make things more difficult. But regardless, I seem to have more luck with even years. The odd ones are just there to keep the pace in my life, and for good things to happen to other people. I'll take my even years thankyouverymuch.

And I've got big plans for this year. Plans to test myself, push myself, let God mold me and use me for whatever He has planned. I learned many lessons in 2005. I learned that sometimes I trust too much. Sometimes that can get me in trouble. But I also learned that the answer is not to stop trusting. Because if I quit trusting because I've been burned, then the people that shouldn't be trusted win. So I'll be a little more careful in 2006.

I learned that you never know unless you try. Sometimes you try and succeed, like getting published in Simple Scrapbooks. Sometimes you try and fail miserably, like my effort to love this place where I live and make it my home. All this trying is hard, but I'm confident that it's good for me. I'll continue my publication goals. And I'll admit that I don't love this place...and that I'd gladly switch places with my friend Sharyn, who is clearly better equipped to handle life in the Upper Peninsula :)

I learned that my husband is stronger, smarter, braver, and lots of other "ers" than I ever imagined he could be. Holy cow have we been through a lot of junk this year. Money problems, job problems, oh and that little thing that landed me in the ER having a catscan and an MRI. But through it all he's never failed to be there for me. And it makes me ever more confident that he will be the world's best father to our children.

Our children, who just might be making an appearance in 2006. :) I like the way that sounds!

Have I mentioned that even years are good for me?

2005-12-30T09:17:00.000-05:00

Also know as....You know I had to share another Walker in the Santa Hat picture

We're celebrating today...but there's no way Walker's going to let me break out a hat of any sort....so this will have to do :) He looks ready to party doesn't he?

So what are we celebrating today? I've been named Pea of the Day (POTD) over at my home away from home Two Peas. How exciting that I get to be the final POTD of 2005. Now Walker and I have to think up some really good RAKS to share the fun!

Walker Claus

2005-12-28T23:25:00.000-05:00

Alternate Title: Mission Accomplished.

Apparently the key to getting Walker to wear the hat is to get him so tired he can barely keep his eyes open, let alone fight the humiliation of the hat. It was worth the wait. This picture, with the lights twinkling in the background, and that sweet gaze...it's my favorite ever.

Coming soon to a layout near you....

We're Back...

2005-12-27T22:53:00.000-05:00

I can't believe after all the hype...all the build up...all the fuss...Christmas is over. I have this same feeling every year. For a couple of days I miss it...but then I'm happy to be back to my routine, with the excitement of the new year and all the unknown adventures that will bring.

We're enduring an adventure of sorts right now. For the first time since we've been married, actually for the first time since we've met, Karl is sick. Really sick. Throwing up in a bucket by the bed sick. And I'm playing nursemaid. There's something a little funny about this. Karl has my stomach bug. The one that I woke up with on Christmas Eve morning. The one that had all of his family giving me "knowing looks" all weekend. The kind that kept getting labeled "morning sickness" even though it was dinner time. I swore up down and sideways that I wasn't "in the family way." But apparently my word was not good enough. Now that Karl is laid up with the same ailment...I believe the comments will subside. Unless ofcourse there is such a thing as sympathy morning sickness.

I really do feel bad for him though. Especially because I know exactly how he feels. I'm just now recovering and regaining my strength. I spent Christmas Eve propped up on the couch in the corner eating nothing more than half a slice of ham and half a biscuit. I rode in the car on the way home with my head pressed against the cool glass praying that this would not be the first time in my life that I would be cursed with car sickness. I laid in bed Christmas Eve night, not thinking about what Santa would bring, but how quickly I could make it to the bathroom if I needed to. I was miserable, and now I feel so bad to have passed it on to my dear husband who hasn't been sick in YEARS! Must have been some wicked strong bug... He's called out sick for tomorrow. The man has almost 300 hours of sick time banked with his company...does that tell you how often he's out sick?

In related news....I cleaned up vomit today. Vomit that wasn't my own. And I didn't hurl. Does that mean I'm ready to be a mom? When you can handle bodily fluids without a horrible reaction? Something to contemplate....

In UNrelated news, I am itching to create. I think its because I've been away from my supplies for a week. It's like a fix. I need my routine, my creative time, my outlet. Not to mention...I've got secret santa goodies to use. I wanna get busy. Good thing I'm feeling creative since my list of upcoming calls to submit to is growing. January will be a busy month.

We're waiting to hear when Karl's second interview will be scheduled. There's a possibility it will be done over the phone, since its a 10 hour drive each way for us, and Karl is super low on time off. Thankfully, the interviewers understand that. There were many references made by family this weekend to us not having to make the long trip next Christmas. The idea thrills me. Especially if we do add to our family. I can't even imagine how long the trip would become if we have kids to travel with.

Speaking of offspring....Walker did great on his first long car ride. He slept or looked out the window the whole time. And he made a wonderful impression on the grandparents. He was eerily well behaved...so much so that I told Karl maybe Walker wants to move downstate too. We're home now, and he's pulling some of his familiar antics, maybe because he's comfortable here....or maybe he's just not destined to be a Yooper. The dog is speaking my language!

And on that note...I'm going to head to bed. Something tells me I'm in for a restless night. Poor Karl is currently rolling over and moaning in his sleep. Ugh...I know the feeling.

Cross the Fingers and the Toes

2005-12-23T09:04:00.000-05:00

Yesterday went well, very well.

Like "We want you to come back in again and meet with some other people" well.
Like "If you get another call, call us first and we'll speed up the process" well.

Like "Maybe I can finally get the heck out of the misery of snow 6 months of the year" well

I'm elated. But trying to stay grounded.

I could learn to love this place :)

Note to Self

2005-12-19T13:17:00.000-05:00

Dear Self, it's probably not a good idea to send your husband back to work after lunch with the words "I freaking hate this place." It's not productive, it's not supportive. And it certainly doesn't help spread the Christmas spirit.

I'm having a moment of feeling like a terrible wife. A terrible wife with the inability to keep her mouth shut. Hormones and a dose of preholiday "must get everything done NOW" stress don't help.

In case there's any confusion, I do hate it here. I love my husband, I love my dog, I love my sleep number bed. Everything else...bleck. I hate not having any friends. I hate having to deal with this crazy amount of snow. I hate feeling like I went to school for nothing because I can't work in my field of choice. I hate that I'm scared to leave my house because I might slip and fall on the ice, or the car might spin out in the slush. I hate feeling like I have no purpose.

But I also hate that I take these emotions out of my husband. I hate that I can't always give him the support that he needs. I hate that I can't hack it here, that here can't be enough.

Just for today

2005-12-16T21:52:00.000-05:00

We find inspiration in the oddest places sometimes. Amid the dysfunction and craziness of daytime television I've found a life lesson. And it didn't even come from Doctor Phil.
Tyra Banks had India Arie write the theme song for her talk show. While the show itself is often bizarre and I'm kind of over Tyra ending each show with "Late-ah", I can't help but get into the song. The message screams "pay attention" at least for me because it's all about being okay with whatever comes your way. You're not really in control anyway, so get used to it and have fun in the meantime.
Words I need to hear. And so I created this...

The song is called Just for today, and the portion of the lyrics I chose to focus on are as follows:

Just for today, I will not worry what tomorrow may bring. I am gonna shine. I don't know what's gonna happen it's alright with me. I open up my arms and I embrace the mystery.

There's a whole of of mystery embracing in my life these days, and in the lives of the people I love. So here's hoping we can all shine our way into 2006 without worrying what tomorrow will bring.

Love you guys!

Sights Sounds and Smells of a Weekend

2005-12-11T21:18:00.000-05:00

Saturday nights are for dressing up. For spending the day doing things around the house, so you won't feel guilty for being lazy on Sunday. For showering and taking time to dress, and primp, and smell pretty. For visits to the world's best hair guru. She'll declare that curly is perfect for a holiday party, and 30 minutes of quality time with the curling iron will follow. Half a can of hairspray later its time to get the party started. But not before one last picture with a dapper husband. And a moment of thankfulness for self timers and tripods.

You're looking at us last night. All dressed up and ready for an evening of holiday festivities courtesy of the good people at Karl's place of employment. A free meal, an open bar, and a chance to chat with the other wives, who like me sometimes wonder how we wound up with engineers for husbands. It's funny that two of Karl's closest colleagues have wives who, like me, are creative types. Kathy loves to cook and is a master entertainer. Julie is an interior decorator and paints murals. And then there's me....what is it I do again? I play with paper. And take pictures. And I write....

Speaking of playing with paper, pictures, and words.....I FOUND MY MAGAZINE!!! SS Jan/Feb page 101. My first ever pub. Now I need someone else to pick me up so I don't become a one hit wonder. What a rush to see my work in print. SOO happy that my stepdad is the subject of the layout. He deserves ten times that much recognition for being so awesome. Seeing that issue on my doorstep yesterday was probably the highlight of my day.

So for as dressed up and showy as we were last night....today is the exact opposite. We're spending the evening curled up on the couches, Karl in his Detroit Lions fleece throw (his anniversary present) and me in my Florida Gators blankie. There's a fire in the fireplace and a football game on tv. Walker is uncertain how to handle all this relaxing. I don't think he understand why we're all in the same room, why nobody has shoes on, and why things are so....quiet.

I love a weekend that ends like this, with visible proof of things that we accomplished, and picture of memories made. We dropped 2 big boxes off at Goodwill this afternoon, less clutter makes me happy. Thanks to some work on my part, and some shopping, Karl will take two big boxes to the post office tomorrow....one box going to my Mom and Grandma, the other to my stepdad, brother, and grandparents. That leaves one more big box to be packed, and a few other small gifty things to take care of. Presents are wrapped for Karl's family, and I just might load them in the car tomorrow so as to cross one more thing off my to do list. Just a few more addresses to get before I can mail out the last batch of Christmas cards.

I love this time of year....

Blue Christmas

2005-12-09T08:18:00.000-05:00

I can't help being sad this morning. I guess thats what I get for trying to be informed in the morning, waking up to news. First, the story of a Southwest jet that skidded off the runway in Chicago, struck ten cars, and killed a 6 year old boy in one of them. I cannot imagine the pain his parents must be going through right now. I'm sure his presents are bought, maybe even wrapped and under the tree. They will spend Christmas without their little boy.

Then, I heard the story of the Miami man who's hanging Santa in his front yard, complete with duct tape, and a noose. The neighborhood kids are all afraid Santa won't visit them this year. The man claims its free speech. Free speech my foot. I hope he gets coal in his stocking. And the bird flu. No wait, that was mean of me. Tis the season for kindness right? I guess I just want a few minutes to use my right to free speech....and it would all be directed at what a mean guy he is.

Sometimes I'm scared to have children. Scared to bring a new generation into a world that is this confused. How do you parent in situations like this? I'm starting to feel like the bad people are outweighing the good these days...

Donna under my tree!!

2005-12-07T13:35:00.000-05:00

I'm a nerd. A scatterbrained nerd. A nerd who writes "Donna Downey" instead of "Donna Downey's class" on my Christmas list. I left Donna a note on her blog saying she's lucky my husband didn't come hunt her down and put a bow on her.

No need for bows though. My present is I get to register for the Every Week, All Year class that Donna is teaching at Big Picture Scrapbooking. If I were cool I would be able to link you there. But unfortunately I am not that cool, or savvy in the ways of Blogger. I'm so excited. I want to learn. I want to play. I want to be challenged and get better at what I love.

I wanted to go to CKU this year..but we know that's not going to happen. I won't get to meet my TwoPeas friends. I won't get to live it up in Chicago. I won't get to stay up late and giggle and make those crazy memories. I'm bummed that those things won't happen this year. But being in Nicole's wedding is far more important. So while I won't be doing the CKU thing, thanks to Donna's class I'm going to learn all year. Can you tell I'm excited?

I also made a layout this morning. And I plan to make another one this afternoon. After a month of craft show nonsense up to my eyeballs I get to play for me again. Isn't it nice when you can get back to what scrapbooking is really about?

Good Times and Noodle Salad

2005-12-05T13:00:00.000-05:00

You're looking at me, as seen by my husband on Saturday afternoon, while sitting in the Superior Dome at the WLUC TV6 Christmas Craft Fair. My hair is a wreck from wearing my snow hat. My glasses are on because it was too dry inside to wear my contacts. But, the smile is genuine because if there is anything my husband knows how to do, it's make me laugh. He kept me thoroughly entertained throughout the weekend which is saying a lot. Spending 4 hours one night, 8 hours the next day, and 6 hours the day after that trying to get people to buy your stuff isn't exactly fun. I love making the stuff I make. I love when people see something and know it's the perfect gift for someone they love. But the sitting there waiting for a customer...that pretty much blows.

So the title of today's entry comes from a movie I was lucky enough to catch on TBS this weekend..."As good as it gets." I LOVE this movie. It's one of those I could watch a million times. And while we were getting ready at the hotel Saturday morning, it just happened to be on. I missed probably half of it, and had to shower in the middle so I missed even more, but I did get to hear Jack Nicholson utter his line about memories of good times and noodle salad. It makes me smile every time. I'm proud to report Karl and I had plenty of good times this weekend....no noodle salad though. I'm pretty sure that's not Weight Watchers friendly.

We came home last night to SOOOOO much snow. Ridiculous amounts of snow. And a broken snowblower. Well, not broken in the "it can't be fixed we need a new one" kind of way. It's more of a "Well, it probably got water in it and the water froze so it won't start. But, it's going to be okay once we take it into the garage, turn the heater on, and thaw it out." kind of broken. So, no snowblowing last night. Instead, Karl had to scoop out the car to go to work this morning. And because I'm attempting to be a good wife, I shovelled the front steps. And because I'm trying to be a REALLLY good wife, I attempted to scoop a path from the house to the garage so Karl will be able to move the snowblower when he gets home. I say I attempted to scoop. I've never done this before. One doesn't get a whole lot of snow experience growing up in South Florida. I'd never even seen a scoop until last year. I have no experience using one. So I'm not sure I did it right. Don't laugh. I know it's not rocket science. But I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to lift the scoop to dump the snow. But I lifted. Where is Torm, keeper of all snow scooping knowledge?? I need you Sharyn!

Ofcourse, part of me hopes I didn't do it right. Because then my dear husband will come home, laugh at me lovingly and inform me I never have to touch the snow scoop again. I'm a wimp and darn it if it isn't 12 degrees outside. TWELVE!!!! I'd much prefer to keep my inside chores and let my husband handle this snow thing....

Being warm inside....now THAT's good times and noodle salad!

My very own Christmas Miracle

2005-12-01T22:33:00.000-05:00

God takes care of us.

It's something I say over and over again. When something goes wrong I trust that God is working. It's not always the first response I have. Sometimes I have to be mad first, or sad, or frustrated, or insert 50 million other emotions. But ultimately, after I get all of that out, I know that everything is in God's hands.

A few weeks ago I was very upset because our roof was damaged in a wind storm. It needed to repaired right away because snow was coming. We paid through the nose. And the money we used was money we'd planned to use on our "delayed honeymoon" cruise in February. I'd placed a lot of hopes on that cruise...an escape from the bitter U.P. winter, a chance to have my husband entirely to myself for a week, maybe even a chance to start our family. Suddenly, that cruise wasn't going to happen. There was no way we could pay for the roof and be able to afford to pay off the cruise just a couple of weeks later. I was mad, sad, frustrated, desperate, all of those things. It took several days for me to not tear up at the thought of us not getting away. Sure it was just a vacation, but it meant a lot to me.

A few weeks ago (about the time of the roof debacle) we received a statement in the mail from John Hancock. Karl looked at it and said there was some sort of mistake in their paperwork. You see, earlier in the year Karl had cashed out a policy his parents had started for him when he was born. Since his father had type one diabetes since childhood, they felt it was very important to get their children life insurance policies right away in case they developed a disease that would keep them from being insurable as an adult. Well Karl was blessed with good health and has since obtained another policy, so we decided to cash out the existing one and pay off debt. So really, there was no reason for us to be getting a statement from the company. It was filed away to be "dealt with later"

Today was "later." Karl called the company on his lunch hour to inform them of their mistake. But it wasn't the company that was mistaken..it was US. It appears that when we cashed out the policy we only did one part of it. I still am fuzzy on the details but it boils down to John Hancock owing us an amount that totals almost the EXACT AMOUNT of our cruise balance and flights to Florida!! The number is so close to our balance that I really believe it was God's way of reminding us that he ALWAYS provides. Even the things that we don't really need.

It's been several hours since Karl delivered the news and I still feel like I'm floating. I'm just so thankful for God's faithfulness. What a way to kick off the Christmas season...with my own Christmas Miracle :)

The Funny Farm

2005-11-30T20:32:00.000-05:00

I'm gradually learning my way around the farm, the house, and the property, much like the way I learned every inch of my Aunt Sherry's home when I spent my summers there. It's funny how if I close my eyes I can still remember every inch of that place, even though the last time I set foot inside the door was 1997. Someone else owns it now, a fact that I can't seem to wrap my brain around. I said to Nic, as we sat playing the 50 millionth hand of poker, "I wonder if they (the new owners) know how many bottles of Korbel were consumed on the back patio." SO many memories in that place. Like the time I ran through the kitchen barefoot and managed to step on the one sliver of broken glass that hadn't been swept up after a glass broke. My dad chased me around the house and the backyard with a pair of PLIERS trying to get me to sit still long enough for him to get it out. My Aunt Lorri reminded me that I wouldn't let anyone near me as I screamed bloody murder...except my Aunt Sherry. The truth is...I didn't need reminding, it's just one of those moments I'll never forget.

But anyway, I was talking about the farm. So it seems the farm is becoming our new gathering spot. It's our place to retreat to, to tell the stories we've heard a million times, to initiate those who marry into our wacky family. It's the place where we gather around a crockpot of Aunt Lorri's Swedish Meatballs like vulchers. This year Karl and Ryan just stood and stared as we fought for our share of the meatballs...they only stood back because they didn't yet know how incredible they are. It's the place where we can laugh, cry, scream and fight till we're exhausted. Because that's what families do. And no matter how many little spats need to be resolved, how many tears are shed, we show up as a family, and we leave a stronger family. Thank goodness the walls of that home can't talk...

There's always a big "revelation" when we get together. It never fails. I always wind up saying, "How in the world did I not know that?" This year the subject of this revelation was my paternal great grandmother. We were always told by my grandpa that his mother died during childbirth. I found out this weekend that she ran away. Nobody knows where she went or why because my grandfather would never talk about it and stood by his story until his death. This fascinates me for several reasons. The biggest one would be the fact that we are a family of matriarchs. All of the Anderson women (myself included) have a strong independent streak. We're leaders who speak our minds. We've all married (or are engaged to marry) the same type of man: strong, but quiet, with a killer sense of sarcasm. We are scattered around the country, but we come together for family. So it blows my mind that my great grandmother left. I wish I knew why.

On the wedding front: we've established a theme. My cousin is going to have the best darn beach themed wedding the state of Indiana has ever seen. Being of the mindset that everything is made better by a cohesive theme, I'm thrilled.

Going to the Chapel...

2005-11-29T11:25:00.000-05:00

Meet Nicole and Ryan. They're getting married....and I get to be in the wedding :)

Nicole is my second cousin, but I'm only 6 years older than her. This is because my dad was the oops child....his siblings are 20 years older than he is, so their kids were more like aunts to me than cousins. I had tons of "little moms" chasing me around when I was growing up. Fun times.

So Nicole is my second cousin, but actually the closest in our family to me age wise. She asked me to stand up in her wedding over our thanksgiving weekend on the farm. First I cried, then I said yes, then I jumped up and down and shrieked.

Then I declared that this called for a drink. We Andersons know how to celebrate.

The wedding is in August in Indiana. Let's just hope the bridesmaids dresses are lightweight and the church is well airconditioned. There are 6 bridesmaids and groomsmen and Nicole has yet to decide who she wants to ask to be maid of honor.

The same weekend she asked me to stand up for her, her mother asked me to serve as wedding planner. So it seems I'll be wearing two hats. I love this idea. The planner in me is rejoicing, and my inner nerd made me buy a wedding magazine at the grocery last night. I'll be flying out there in February for a whirlwind planning trip. Then I'll have to get out there again for the shower. Expensive, but so worth it.

I think I am secretly destined to be a wedding planner. It's such a happy time for everyone involved. I adored planning my wedding. I never lost sight of the fact that the vows were all that mattered, but the other stuff...man that's fun. I'm a detail kind of girl, always have been. It's why I loved producing so much. I got to take all the little pieces and make a big picture. I was responsible for making everything work. I remember sitting in the brides room before the ceremony and everyone told me I looked to calm. It was easy to explain really..."Producing a wedding is way easier than producing a road show." So getting do all this again is going to be a blast, made better by the fact that I know what Nicole likes and shes the kind of girl who wants to be offered a couple of options and then she'll make the decision. She doesn't want to weed through and research, she just wants to pick. So the weeding and researching is all me and I'm ready!

Ofcourse this exciting news brings a touch of sadness. I won't be able to attend CKU this year. There's just no way I can afford all that travel. So I'm going to miss out on the fun. I won't get to meet all my Two Peas friends. But that time will come soon enough I'm sure. And weddings only happen once.

Oh, and the picture above...I took that on Thanksgiving Day when we were walking the farm property. They'll be using it for their engagement announcement and their save the date cards. How exciting :)

Face of an Addict

2005-11-21T14:36:00.000-05:00

We all have something I think. Something that can take up a little too much time, or take priority when it shouldn't Something that you can't go without for too long without feeling a little loopy.

That's me, and this computer. Total love hate relationship. I'm sitting here right now, typing to nobody for no good reason. But I can come up with plenty of reasons. Like we leave for the farm tomorrow and I'll be without internet for a week. Like, I need to make sure I catch up on emails before I leave for a week. Like, I've already got a load in the washer and the dryer and the dishwasher's running so it's not like I'm truly not being productive. It's all justification though, manipulation of the facts to suit my purpose.

I have an addictive personality, if you believe in that sort of thing. I do, having seen it at work in my family for generations. My paternal grandparents: alcoholics, both deceased. My maternal grandmother: a recovering alcoholic who replaced booze with cigarettes in recovery. She's had several lung cancer scares, still smokes. My mother was a smoker until just a little over a year ago when she had a heart attack at just 48. She hasn't smoked since then, but she's battled a food addiction, and my dad would say she's addicted to QVC. I have aunts and uncles who have alcohol problems and a cousin with a drug addiction. I think addiction is part choice, part genetics. At least that's been my experience.

I've been lucky I guess to not fall prey to drugs, or alcohol addiction. Instead, I battle with my weight, am dependent on diet mountain dew. And I have that love hate relationship with this thing. I know I could be so much more productive without the temptation of the internet. But I've met so many people through this forum. I mean really...I met my husband thanks to Eharmony. There's no way that cold turkey is the answer.

I guess I just need to find my happy medium....if it exists. And maybe a week on the farm will be good for me. Proof that I can exist without this lifeline. But I'd be lying if I said I won't miss it.

I'll be back...bright and early next monday morning :)
In the meanwhile....I'm wishing everyone a safe, happy, and thankful Thanksgiving!

Saturday Success

2005-11-20T19:34:00.000-05:00

So the show went well on Saturday. I sold quite a bit, and met some potential future customers. I got to meet a "internet friend" who came and bought the things I was going to use myself if someone didnt buy them. So yay!

Also my husband announced, "I think Creative Memories is a cult" and I spit Diet Mountain Dew out of my nose. He didn't mean it in a bad way, but rather as a statement of bemusement. You see, in addition to my booth, there was also a CM booth. I cannot tell you how many people would walk up to my booth and say "OH Scrapbooking.." and when I asked them if they scrapbooked they'd say yes. When they looked at my stuff their eyes would glaze over and they'd start walking towards the Creative Memories booth. And then they'd easily spend 50 bucks on page refills and stickers. People here are just set in their ways. And unfortunately their ways don't involve taking risks and exploring their creativity. But, they're preserving their memories, which is great and I applaud that. I just wish they wouldn't look at my stuff with a mix of confusion and disdain.

But as I said, the show went great. I sold a lot of the stuff I've been making tirelessly in the past couple of weeks. It always makes me happy when I sell something I made...to know someone else is going to get it as a gift. Fun stuff. I'm like Santa...except minus the long beard. Too bad I've got the big belly...

My husband is a Godsend...pure and simple. He loads and unloads the car for me. He can set up a gridwall faster than anyone I know. And he knows his Bazzill. What more can a girl ask for? Oh..handiness. He put together another cabinet for me. Yes, my scrapbooking stuff, that once was too small for one armoire, now fits in 2....and a shelf on the wall, and a smaller cabinet. I've expanded. I blame Two Peas really. Without it, I'd still be buying patterned paper with teddy bears. But then again, without it I'd be lacking friends that "get me" and are equally if not more so obsessed with this art form. There's nothing that makes me feel as good as getting feedback on my layouts from people who understand the sweat, tears (and sometimes blood) that goes into the creating process.

Sooo much to do in the next couple of days. Walker goes to the kennel tomorrow. I'm going to miss our little man. I also have to clean the house. I'd like to say I'm cleaning because it will feel so good to come home to a clean house. But really, that's a lie. I'm cleaning because friends of ours will be coming over to feed the cats in our absence. Do you know how mortified I'd be if they saw the current condition of our house? It's embarassing how bad things can get when I'm in "creative mode." But at least I only have to clean the downstairs.

Looking forward to this evenings sobfest. This is a Sunday tradition. From Extreme Home Makeover through Desperate Housewives, and ending with Grey's Anatomy. Guaranteed I cry at least once during each show, more often than not several times. It's like my weekend catharsis. And I sleep soundest on Sunday nights.

Nothing like a good cry to get you in the mood for sleep...

Destination Procrastination

2005-11-18T09:17:00.000-05:00

I really don't need to be writing a blog entry. I need to be doing a million other things in the next 24 hours. Like pricing my merchandise. Or making more checkbook covers. Or labelling my catalogs. Or printing flyers. Or doing laundry so I look presentable tomorrow.

Confession: I'm a procrastinator for as long as I can remember. Even as a kid I waited until the last minute to work on projects. I guess even then I enjoyed the stress of an impending deadline. In college I kind of enjoyed all nighters...just me and my coffee pot, maybe a bag of microwave popcorn and the sound of some late night infomercial in the background. I liked that jittery feeling from lack of sleep and anticipation when I walked into an exam.

I made procrastination work for me. I called it "working well under the pressure of a deadline." I went on to be a television news producer the perfect job for a deadline driven person. For real, I honestly believe I do my best work when I know I have to get it right the first time. No time for rewrites and edits working down to the wire. It's a part of me that some may see as a flaw. But I like my little quirk. I like knowing that some of my best teases were written in the booth when something wasn't going to make its slot and I had to pull crap out of thin air. I'm weird, I know.

I had my design team application done way early. All I had to do was take some pictures, resize them and email them off. There was no pressure. And then...disaster. My cat decided to jump up on the table, running across my layout leaving a big muddy pawprint and a scratch across one of the photos. No, I didn't kill her. Yes, I thought about it. In fact the words "I'm going to kill you" probably came out of my mouth. And then, I got down to work. Emergency surgery. All is well, and anyone who saw the layout wouldn't know that it wasn't the original, that it was a redo at the last minute. See...working well under a deadline.

So, maybe that's why I'm procrastinating now. Why I'm not downstairs working on paint cans and checkbook covers. When I sit down at my table I want to nail it. I want to be under the gun with a deadline looming over my head. It's when I'm at my best.

I'm not in tv any more. I don't get to write a breaking news script in the booth. I don't get to make the mad dash down the hall from the newsroom to run a fresh script to the studio. Never again will I get the thrill of an AP alert on the wire. My scanner ears have been retired. But I have to get my fix somewhere. So bring on the deadlines...I can handle it.

Done for the Day

2005-11-17T09:54:00.000-05:00

It's not even 10 am and I feel like I should have a reprieve from doing anything else all day. Why? Because I shoveled. Me, the girl from the south, SHOVELED!!!

You see, when Karl and I decided to get married we talked about all sorts of things. We wanted to make sure that we both had our expectations managed. I didn't want to assume he would do something, and I didnt want him to be upset because I wasn't doing something he thought I should do. So we talked about dividing up the house responsibility. Basically the conclusion we came to was that certain chores would be decidedly mine...and others all his.

Mine: laundry (for the most part, Karl will occassionally throw something from washer to dryer, or bring a basket upstairs for me), cooking (again for the most part), and personal correspondence (he doesn't have to remember birthdays, anniversaries, etc for people)

Him: OUTSIDE! This includes car maintenence, mowing the lawn, snowblowing and shoveling. I do help with gardening in the summer.

BUT...our perfect plan has gone astray. Karl is gone for the first major snow storm of the season. So I am left to shovel! I could say forget it..since I'm staying in the house for 2 days anyway. But there's a little matter of the mail man. You know that slogan "Not sleet, nor snow...blah blah blah."? Well it's a load of crap. Our mail man takes one look at our sidewalk and steps. If they're not completely clear he drives on by. Doesn't matter how much mail we have, or if there's mail sitting in our box to go out....steps aren't clear he's not coming.

SO...since I'm expecting some important mail this week...I had to shovel. And once again I was reminded why you read about so many people falling over from a heart attack doing this chore. It's hard work!! First, it's really darn cold outside, so you have to bundle up against the cold. Then, you get out and start shoveling only to have the snow blow back in your face. And then there's the matter of the ice under the snow, and managing to not fall on your butt in the process.

But I did it. And I'm proud of myself. I'm not sure how many activity points that counts for in Weight Watchers but I think I deserve a bundle. And if I get nothing else done today...at least I'll feel productive :)

Single Gal

2005-11-16T17:47:00.000-05:00

It's hard to believe that it's only been a little more than a year since I lived alone. I've become so accustomed to having someone around. But tonight, and tomorrow night, I'm a single gal. Karl is about 3 hours away, attending a class for his continuing education requirement. I can rest easy now, knowing that he made it to his destination despite this silly snow storm we're having. He took the Escape, which pretty much leaves me without a car until Friday night. I can't drive the Escort because it's a stick. But the snow tires aren't on the Escort yet and I DEFINITELY didn't want him taking that on the road for such a long trip in bad weather. So I'm carless, which is fine. I kind of liked the idea of being trapped in this house, with the snow blowing outside and the dog curled up on the couch.

The dog...oy the dog. He's in love. With SNOW. I was a little concerned how he would react since he's not a big fan of rain. But the snow...he loves. I think he's been out 10 times today. And each time I take him out he squeezes out just a little bit of pee. It's like he's saying "Look Ma, I really did need to go out." Then he spends the next ten minutes jumping and diving and tunneling through the drifts. He comes up covered in snow and then shakes it all over me. By the time I've dried off inside it's time to start all over again :)

I've got big plans for my two days as a single gal. First thing on the agenda is to finish up my application for a design team I've got my heart set on. I know...it's a bad idea to get my hopes up...but I can't help it. So we'll see what happens. Just need to answer the questions, resize my layouts and then off it goes. Thankfully there's so much coming up in the next couple of weeks that I won't really have time to dwell on when the announcement will be made.

Once the application is off, I'll be working on craft show central. My empty paint cans came yesterday, so I think that will be the first project I work on tomorrow instead of going back to the checkbook covers that are getting a little boring. Funny to think this time last year I thought I wasn't into these kind of projects. I didn't want to jump on the altered bandwagon. Now..my studio contains a growing pile of ornaments, planners, checkbook covers, notepad holders, lunch boxes and paint cans. I HOPE people buy them...if not there will be many MANY handmade gifts under the tree.

Well, it seems Walker wants to go dive in the snow once again...

This is a test....only a test

2005-11-14T19:10:00.000-05:00

You know those emergency alerts that come across tv every now and again..."This is a test of the emergency alert system...this is only a test." I'm starting to think that all of this is a test. Life in general. And just when you think you've got the answers....they change all the questions.

In the past 2 months our little no longer newlywed family has been thrown one curveball after another. So much so that I just have to laugh at it all. Wanna recap?

In September Karl applied for some jobs in Knoxville...Tennessee I'm coming home! Or not...because the firm was too small and not at all what he wanted to do.
Later in September we were staying here, and looking into launching my website and opening a storefront.
Two days after that big conversation Karl decided to send resumes to firms downstate.
And 12 hours later one of them called him and asked him to come down for an interview.
Entire month of October: big haze of sending resumes downstate and phone interviews.
October 31st: kick butt interview...except they won't know if they have a position until January.
Cue three days of frustration, depression, anger, and finally we were resolved to wait until January.
This past Wednesday: wind storm. Roof damage. Bad.
Today: A thousand dollars to fix aforementioned roof.
This afternoon: phonecall.Different firm downstate. Interview scheduled for December 22nd.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Can we please just have a moment of normalcy???? I'm not asking for too much am I? Just a week or so without some potentially life changing thing. I'd like to have one week when I'm not wondering where we're going to live, where we're going to work, when we're going to start a family, and how long the danged roof is going to stay on the house!!!!!

So I've concluded that it's all a test. And someday I'm going to look back and laugh. And come up with some pretty kick butt layouts about this tumultuous time in our lives. Or maybe the tests just keep getting harder and in a few years I'm going to be wishing that I was only worrying about where we're going to live. If I believed in purgatory, which I don't, I'd imagine it to be just like my life is right now: uncertain. And for the planner in me: the one who tries to be one step ahead of the game, this is pretty darn hard.

But at least I'm not doing it alone.

It's a PAST-ee Darn it!

2005-11-11T19:03:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'll never claim to be a true Yooper. I'm too sensitive to the cold...I don't say "hey" or "eh" enough. I don't like snow in May. And I don't think school should close for opening day of deer season...

But I can tell you that it's a PAST-ee not a PASTE-ee. Alton Brown is talking about "pocket pies" on his show this evening...and he's royally messed up the pronounciation. Now I'm sensitive to this problem. I know how it feels to be made fun of for not saying the word right. You see, anyone who's made the drive from downstate Michigan across the Upper Peninsula knows you see plenty of billboards for homemade Pasties. On my first drive up with Karl I waited until about the 10th billboard to ask my dear boyfriend at the time what the deal was with the "paste-ees." I think it took him 10 miles of highway driving to stop laughing.

So for those that don't know

PASTE-EE: Those things that cover strippers boobies
PAST-EE: Tasty little "Hot Pocket" type things often filled with meat and potatoes, sometimes carrots and onions.

Now you know, and may you never make the mistake that I did...and Alton Brown continues to do. Yoopers are nice people overall, but they do tend to laugh when you say things funny.

Other things to keep in mind:

SLED: this is not the thing that you sit on and slide down a hill. A sled is a motorvehicle known by others as a snowmobile.
EH? or HEY? is an appropriate ending to any and all statements.
PANK: it's a verb apparently, and what you do to snow when you walk over it repeatedly. You pank it down.

Thankfully for me, I'm a bit of a linguistic chameleon. I blame it on working in tv. When you want someone to trust you, you make yourself like them. It's why local reporters get the best stories. Because they can talk the talk. I may not have been raised in East Tennessee but I can drawl with the best of them. And after a year in the U.P. I've just about mastered the enlongated Os and the use of words like hey. I also refrain from using words like "fixin to", "I don't care to" "bless your heart" "Lord love you" and "y'all" in the company of Yoopers. No need to draw attention to myself.

Unless ofcourse I'm on the phone with an old Tennessee friend. Then anything is fair game :)

Finally Friday

2005-11-11T10:44:00.000-05:00

I'm so glad this week is almost over. Ofcourse, the roof still isn't fixed. And we're supposed to have another windstorm this weekend. But I'm just going to overlook that.

Highlight of my day yesterday: trip to Walmart. Why? Because I discovered that the band that is guaranteed, under any circumstances, to make me smile has a holiday CD. I spent last night dancing around the house to the sounds of BareNaked Ladies Christmas. Holiday Happiness....totally.

Allow me to tell a BNL story from my archives.

In 2003 I hit rock bottom in my life on many levels. I simply wasn't happy. I'd just suffered a nasty breakup (which didn't teach me very much...since I got back with the guy a couple of months into 2003 briefly before I finally woke up), and I was at an all time high weight. I'd risen to a great position at the station. I was well respected and darn good at my job. But the job wasn't enough anymore. Depression was knocking on my door.

I remember the night I was Christmas shopping with my friend Beth. We were in the CD exchange looking for something for her husband and I stumbled across BNL Greatest Hits. And I saw that the CD included the song "Call and Answer." I remember the first time I heard that song after Joseph and I broke up. I was in the shower getting ready for work and I sat down in the bathtub and cried until the water ran cool. It was like something clicked in my head...that things wouldn't ever been the way I wanted in that relationship. Anyway, I scooped up that CD and considered it my Christmas gift to myself. I think I thought I would play Call and Answer on repeat for the next six months and indulge my depression.

What happened was quite the opposite. I discovered the rest of the CD. I realized how fun it was to scream "Be my Yoko Ono" at the top of my lungs. I found I could clean my apartment a whole lot faster while trying to remember every word to "pinch me". I started Atkins on January 5th, 2003 and signed up for a membership at the Y on January 28th. Every morning I got up, went to the gym, and worked my way up to doing the elliptical through the entire CD. In 5 months I lost 70 pounds. I found myself again. And maybe it's hokey, but I think that CD played a large role.

So having a BNL CD to get me through this Christmas season, when everything seems so uncertain, is really important to me. I have no idea if we're moving. I don't know if we'll be able to cruise in February. I don't know who's going to fix the hole in the roof. But we'll get through it.

And in the meanwhile...I'll dance around the apartment like an idiot :)

You just have to laugh

2005-11-10T09:46:00.000-05:00

Okay...get ready for the lunacy of this...

My mother lives in Florida. She was in the path of Wilma. She didn't lose a single shingle on her house.

I live in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan....as far from Florida as you can get. And now, half of my roof shingles are sitting on the lawn, the sidewalk, and the road in front of my house.

I'm trying to take the laughing option here..because the crying option doesn't do much...and the punching a hole in the wall option would do more damage.

The backstory is our house is 100 years old, and we knew we'd need to replace the roof soon. But we weren't planning on a 36 hour wind storm with gusts over 60 miles per hour. Repairing the roof will equal the cost of our deductible..lucky us. Just in time for Christmas we get to shell out some cash to patch the roof.

Oh, and it gets better. Deer Season opens on Tuesday. So Karl is having trouble finding a roofer who hasn't already left for deer camp.

And its supposed to rain and snow this weekend.

Two for Tuesday

2005-11-08T14:01:00.000-05:00

Happiness is stepping on the scale at Weight Watchers, and being down two more pounds despite the nasty menstral monster that is residing in my home this week. I need to get over the urge to hug the employee that tells me my weight. Like they're lying to me or something..."What you say I lost 2 pounds? You're so sweet. I should hug you." Um, no. I should hug myself for working my shrinking butt off. And for resisting my husband's almost daily requests for a dairy queen run. Confession: I didn't resist on Sunday night. I had a small strawberry cheesequake blizzard, my first in 7 weeks. But I got a SMALL and I counted all 12 points of it. Sometimes it pays to save flex points for a special occassion :)

So weird that I'm going to be alone tonight. Karl left just a few minutes ago for Green Bay. It's only an overnight trip, so not too big of a deal. The funny thing is, I know I'll have trouble falling asleep without him here, but once I do fall asleep I'll sleep like the dead. There's something to bed said for snuggling and drifting off to sleep, but there's also something to be said for having the WHOLE bed to spread out on. It's one thing I kind of miss about single life. A whole queen size bed to myself to roll around in. 4 pillows to spread around the bed, rather than fighting to maintain control of my two. There's no "you're on my side" I wouldn't want that forever....but it is nice every now and then.

I cleaned up the loft last night, so it's ready for the Christmas tree...I think it will look so pretty up there in the window. And I can look at it every night when I'm getting ready to go to bed. It's also the safest option considering the dog doesn't come upstairs. I can't believe we're talking about trees already....Christmas will be here before I know it...

Truth Telling

2005-11-05T21:33:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I get nervous when I write here. Worried that I'm saying too much or airing dirty laundry. There are things I've thought to write about, and then stopped. Not because I worry what people will think of when they read, but rather I worry who might be reading. How easy it would be for someone who knows me to find this and read things and take them out of context. It's a fine line I'm walking I feel. But there's something on my heart tonight. Something I feel like I really need to share.

I had the chance to spend some time this evening talking to my favorite cousin Kristine. Yes, she's my favorite. No, you're probably not supposed to have favorite family members. But ask me how much I care? She's always been the person in my family I most related to. And now that my aunt is gone, she's my biggest living tie to her memory.

So whenever Kristine and I talk it seems like it's a marathon conversation, both of us constantly talking, topics flying back and forth, some out of left field. I guess I just feel like she gets me, and I try to get her. And she has so much to share, she's learning so much as a wife and a mom. I like listening to her talk, and file away the information for later. This evening I initially called to get current sizes for her son Jack. Because I've decided that since I don't have kids of my own, I can go to gymboree.com and spend money on other people's children. That little boy will be well dressed let me tell you. So we were chatting about Jack. He's making great progress thanks to his therapy. It's amazing to me how well Kris and Phil have handled his PDD diagnosis. He's becoming more verbal. I really think he has such a strong support system he's just going to continue to grow.

I also found out tonight that Kris has taken in her sister's 10 month old. Now here's the part that gets messy. And it's why I almost didn't write here. This other cousin has had drug and alcohol problems for a while now. She doesn't have custody of her first two children as a result. And shes at risk of losing custody of this third child. She's hurt many members of the family, Kris included. It's been a hard road for everyone. But for the sake of this little life, Kris is taking care of him until things get straightened out with his mom and the court system.

I am just amazed by her generosity. If there's one person who's been most hurt by this cousin's behavior over the years, it's Kris. But she's putting that aside. If there's one person in this family who has way too much on her plate, it's Kris. But she's taking on another challenge to do what's good for the family. None of this is easy. But it's what's necessary. And I'm so proud of her. For doing the right thing.

I'll admit that I'm also worried. Worried that she's going to wear herself to thin, working two jobs and raising two kids. I worry about how Jack is adjusting to this change. It's hard enough for an average toddler to understand a new little person in their house, harder yet for a toddler with developmental delays to accept these changes. Everything I've read about this disorder says structure and schedules are important for him. This is definitely part of the structure and schedule he's used to.

Anyway, I guess what all this rambling is meant to say is sometimes life is harder than we want it to be. Sometimes things come out of left field. I just hope that someday, when I'm faced with a hard decision, I can be as strong as my cousin Kristine.

Date Night

2005-11-04T14:19:00.001-05:00

I can't believe it's Friday already. The past few days have just thrown me for a loop, weighing in on Monday instead of Tuesday, driving back from the downstate on Tuesday instead of Sunday. I've been confused all week.
But it's Friday, and that means date night. I'm getting ready to start the sauce in a few minute so it will have a few hours to simmer before we're ready to eat. It's chilly and rainy here today so the plan is to stay in and bond over a board game and my good friend the dvd player. A quiet low key evening is just what I need after the craziness of the past few weeks, and the impending craziness of the next 6 weeks.

I've got a new problem to tackle that just occured to me this morning. Decorating for Christmas. How in the world am I going to put our tree up with the dog? Or rather, how will the tree STAY up with the dog? To say Walker has energy is an understatement, and he has a tendency to leave things broken in his wake when he gets worked up about something. Somehow I don't think the tree would last long. But not having a tree is really not an option. I'm considering putting it upstairs in the loft. It would be in front of the window so the outside world could admire it. And we spend a lot of time upstairs anyway. It might be the safest option this year.

And on the "it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas" front...it hasn't snowed here yet. I know, I just completely doomed myself to a blizzard tomorrow or something. But for the first week in November and not a single flake? I think this might be some sort of record in the U.P.

Only a matter of time...

Date Night

2005-11-04T14:19:00.000-05:00

It's all in the way you look at it.

2005-11-02T07:42:00.000-05:00

Confession: I get caught up in negative thinking sometimes. I get bad news and I turn into a big ball of frustration and negative emotions. It seems to be my automatic reaction. But I'm working on it. I'm trying to look at the whole situation and find something positive to focus on.

So Karl had his interview Monday. He looked great, he was well prepared, and his resume is awesome. He really wants to work with this company. He totally hit it off with the head of the department. And then they told him that they're still not clear the position will exist. It's dependant on some upcoming projects. They won't know until January.

Honestly, I was devestated. I was so optomistic. They brought him in for an interview. They knew he had to drive ten hours. He was SO in for this job. I wasn't expecting to hear that news. I felt so hopeless. I'd allowed myself to get excited about the move, and now it wasn't going to happen. I indulged in retail therapy at Target and Michaels. I drank a calorie laden caramel apple cider with WHIPPED CREAM from Starbucks. I was wallowing.

But something changed yesterday on the drive home. I saw a billboard about there being less than 60 shopping days until Christmas. I realized that January isn't really that far away. It's not that he didn't get the job. It's just that they won't be doing any hiring until January. So yes, the waiting sucks, but it's not unbearable. And there are plenty of things to keep me busy between now and then. We need to declutter if we're going to move. We're travelling for Thanksgiving and Christmas. This is my favorite time of year.

So I'm going to enjoy it. I'm going to get busy on my to do list. I'm going to use the nervous energy to my advantage.

Because really, it's all in the way you look at it. And today, I'm looking on the bright side.

(And I lost 2.6 pounds this week!!)

Interview Day

2005-10-31T13:07:00.000-05:00

Karl,

I just sent you off in your handsome suit, your freshly polished shoes, and your "Bush blue" tie with the perfect dimple. You're on your way downtown to the building you may work in a few short weeks from now. Your resume is stellar, your reference complimentary, and I know you'll make an amazing first impression. All we have to do is sit back and wait for God to decide what our future holds.

It's kind of ironic that this morning we woke up "no longer newlyweds" and this afternoon you've got the biggest interview of your life. Our whole lives could change if this goes the way you want it to. It's thrilling and terrifying all at the same time.

You know it just occured to me, last year you were a groom for Halloween, and this year you're going with the "Uberqualified Interview candidate" costume. See, I make jokes when I'm nervous. Nervous about everything from you finding your way in Detroit traffic, to landing the perfect parking spot near the building, to what our lives will be like if we leave the quiet of the Upper Peninsula.

But all of this nervouse chatter boils down to one main point. You're equipped with more than just a nice suit, a straight tie, and a great resume. You've got me babe. No matter what happens in that conference room, I'll always be your biggest cheerleader, your right hand woman, your soft place to fall. I'm so honored to be your wife.

Now knock 'em dead!

I want to stay...

2005-10-29T22:12:00.000-04:00

I've heard the evil inlaws stories. I know that for some people the idea of spending a weekend with their inlaws would be a fate worse than death. And the idea of living just a few minutes away from them would be even worse. But, every time I come to visit I get the same feeling: I want to stay.

I am so blessed with the sweetest, most generous inlaws. My mother in law raised her son to respect women, and be self sufficient. She cut the apron strings and allowed him to grow up into a man. She's happy that he found a woman who loves him, and I never feel like she relents our relationship. Over the past two years I've grown to see her as my own mom, and I know that she feels like I'm the daughter she never gave birth to.

Being here reminds me of how much I want to be near family. How much I want this interview to go well for Karl. How much I want to spend this Christmas helping Mom bake cookies, learning the family recipes, and enjoying the company. I try not to say it out loud, because I don't want Karl to feel the pressure. And honestly, if it's not meant to be, then I'll be okay with living in the U.P. as long as we need to. But tonight, I'm just really happy to be here. It's nice to sit around the dinner table for an hour after everyone's done eating, just chatting. It's nice to talk to Mel about her wedding plans and relate the same things that I went through a little over a year ago. It's funny to hear how the brothers are so different in some ways, but exactly alike in others. This is the way I want it to be.

I leave you all tonight with a little tidbit I found out about my dear husband this evening. Right after the doctor delivered Karl, he held the baby up, looked at him, and Karl proceeded to pee all over the doctor. Makes you wonder...did he come out of the womb with the same detest for doctors he has today?

New Do

2005-10-28T10:09:00.000-04:00

The cut and color was long overdue, a casualty of our new "Steph's not working anymore" budget. The last time I'd seen my stylist was early May. I'd intially hoped to wait it out until Thanksgiving right before I was heading to the farm to see my family. But then the downstate trip came up, and the photo shoot with Angi. So the appointment was necessary.

Figured I would post the before and after pictures. Please forgive how ubertired I look (it's been a long week) and the nice little zit that has taken up residence on my chin :)

Publication Paranoia

2005-10-26T16:25:00.000-04:00

This submitting thing really messes with your head. It's like suddenly me being happy with my work isn't enough. I can create a layout that I think is perfect. I submit it...nothing. I post things on two peas and I almost feel like what I think about it doesn't count as much as how much praise it receives. I rejoice when people love the layouts I love. I get sad when one of my favorites is overlooked.

I can't tell you how happy I was when I received the email from Simple Scrapbooks magazine requesting a layout for publication. My first layout in print!!! I was overjoyed. Finally, all the effort of submitting was worth it. And I kept on trucking, thinking that the first publication is the hardest, and that maybe more things would come my way now.

But now, I'm starting to feel like a one hit wonder. It's been almost three months since that email from SS. I've submitted to at least a dozen calls. Nada. Nothing. Not even a nibble. I'm starting to think it was a fluke.

Owie

2005-10-21T14:30:00.000-04:00

Blister...on my pinky. Hurts like..well you can guess how much it hurts. All because I was trying to be all wifey and was heating Karl's chicken patty in the oven rather than the microwave. Me and a 425 degree cookie sheet became real close. Lucky for my husband he was smart enough to tell me he tasted the difference and the oven cooked chicken is so much better. Because if he hadn't noticed the effort...he'd be in trouble..big trouble.

I love being married. I don't think people say that often enough. It makes me kind of sad. Yes, I'm a newlywed. I'm supposed to be madly in love, head over my heels happy. But the truth is, I plan to work my butt off to ensure I'm as happy 30 years from now as we are today. I'm so blessed to have Karl in my life. For us to have found eachother despite being thousands of miles away. I want to enjoy every moment we have together.

Sure we have spats. He's bad about throwing things in the trash can even though the bag is clearly full. He never remembers to put the seat down. He has selective hearing when it comes to the dog whining in the middle of the night. But the truth is, I'm just as bad about waiting until we have no clean clothes before I do the laundry. I leave my "stuff" all over the bathroom so that he has to hunt for his toothbrush in the morning. And as for the dog...well I've "accidentally" kicked Karl awake a few times so he'd hear Walker and take him out. Nobody's perfect. But he's perfect for me.

I have very few examples of good marriages in my family. My mother's marriage to my father failed. My father is currently remarried to my mother's former best friend. My mother's second marriage to my step dad seems to be on it's way to an inevitable end. I knew when Karl proposed that I would say yes because he felt so strongly that divorce wasn't an option...as strongly as I feel. His parents have been married 30 years and they still snuggle when they cross paths in the kitchen, or the hallway. After 30 years they've found the hobbies they enjoy together (flyfishing) and the ones they like to do seperately (hunting and gardening). It makes me smile just to be around them.

So if you're married....share why you love your husband. It will remind me that there are plenty of happy marriages out there. Sometimes we just take that for granted.

Love You Dad!

2005-10-20T09:12:00.000-04:00

Today is my dad's birthday. The birthday before the big important birthday.

Let me start by saying my family puts the "fun" in dysfunctional. "Dad" is actually my stepdad; however, he and my mother are currently seperated and living in cities 4 hours away from eachother. They split up almost 5 years ago, and kept it a secret from me for over a year (I was living away from home when it all went down). I will never forget how I felt when my dad sat in my Knoxville kitchen, at my folding card table, and passed me paper towels because I didn't have any tissues. He waited until the end of a great weekend together, on Father's Day no less, to tell me that they'd split. We'd just finished putting the groceries away (his treat), and earlier that weekend he had taken me to Rooms to Go to furnish my new apartment (I had a mattress on the floor, and the aforementioned folding table with 4 chairs). I still cry when I think about what he said when he told me. "I wanted to get you these things this weekend before I told you. Because in case you decided you didn't want to talk to me anymore, I wanted to make sure I left you well taken care of." I still can't type that, 4 years later, without crying. The man who had been in my life since I was 3, honestly worried we wouldn't have a relationship.

The past few years have been hard. I never doubted my love for Dad, or his love for me. But there were times my relationship with my mom felt strained because it was important to me to not be in the middle, to not take sides. These situations are never easy on those involved. It was hard on me being far away, and hard on my brother being there to see it all go down.

When I got engaged, I knew both my dads would walk me down the aisle. And they did. One of my most vivid memories of that day was standing behind the doors with my dads, listening to the music the bridesmaids walked to. I knew we were all a mess, and said under my breath "Well this is the most I've ever spent on a Halloween costume" (we got married on the 30th of October). We all burst out laughing, and walked down the aisle with big smiles instead of big tears.

Dad came to visit me this summer, in my new home. It's the happiest I've ever seen him. He's changed a lot in the past 5 years. I think he's learned that it's okay to take some time to himself. Okay to laugh, have fun, make friends. He's still incredibly sarcastic...and somehow I still manage to walk right into easy ways for him to poke fun at me. He still works too hard, but now he also takes time to take care of himself. He's eating right and working out. He's going on a cruise next weekend to celebrate his birthday.

We're not the type to talk on the phone, but our emails fly back and forth all the time. I almost like that better. Because you rely on your memory to capture a phone conversation. I can just go back to our emails.

Our relationship will never be normal, but it's just the way I like it. So Happy Birthday Dad...hope you have a great one!

To sum it all up in a sentence...

2005-10-17T18:50:00.000-04:00

"Water doesn't take like chocolate"

Those would be words that snipped out of my mouth just a short time ago when upon announcing I was craving something, Karl suggested I have a glass of water. A quick check of the calendar, and yes, I am quickly approaching the time that chocolate becomes its own food group. So far I've not consumed the desired chocolate....but I'm considering it. And if I want it, I'll eat it...because Lord knows I'm not losing weight at tomorrow's weigh in.

It's been a rainy day in the neighborhood. I normally love rainy days. Perfect weather to light a candle, turn on the dimmer in my studio and get to work on something (somewhat) fabulous. But since Walker came into our lives rainy days just aren't what they used to be. For some reason, my dog hates the rain. He has no problem with thunder and lightening. He's not bothered by the big booms. But the sound of rain drops...and heaven forbid....being forced to go outside in the rain is a fate worse than death in his mind. So, since Walker is miserable, we all must be miserable. He walks around the house moping, and crying (horrible horrible sound) all day long. Poor puppy doesn't like to get his paws wet but he also doesn't like to be trapped in doors. Let's just hope that this doesn't translate into a dislike of snow....since we have that for 6 months up here.

I'm getting very excited for the not so romantic anniversary trip. Karl and I decided, no really I decided and Karl agreed, to have some pictures taken to document our one year anniversary. Really, it occured to me that I need some new material to work with. Can't scrap wedding pictures when you're talking about things that happened more than a year into the marriage. Enter the amazing fantabulous terrific Angi, of Angi Stevens photography, who has agreed to work us into her schedule for a shoot while we're in her neck of the woods. Sure, she's focussing on children's portraits, but we can be immature....we can pass for kids!

Ofcourse the whole prospect of a photo shoot means I need a hair cut. And if I can manage to drop a couple more pounds before the trip, a new outfit. And I get to dress my husband, which is so fun. He's like my own grown up Ken doll. "Here babe, try this tie..." It's my favorite thing to do when he's getting ready for work. Now I get to pick out the appropriately casual but nice looking outfit that will document our first year together. Oh, and that coordinates with my outfit for said documenting of the relationship. No pressure...I can handle it.

What I can't handle is cold hands...and cold feet. I swear I must have the world's worst circulation. The moment it gets a little chilly my hands and feet turn to ice cubes. Cold feet, not such a big deal. I put on socks....and I have some very warm, very snuggly socks. But cold hands pose more of a problem. It's not like I can wear gloves around all the time. And even if I could get past the fact that I'd look ridiculous, have you ever tried to scrapbook in gloves? No, me either. But I'm imagining it's probably pretty difficult. So no gloves...I just have to settle for washing my hands often in warm water, and the occassional furiously rubbing together thing that seems to work.

And speaking of work, I'm off to do some. Being the glutton for punishment I am, I'm going to a two day CM crop this weekend. Two days of raised eyebrows and snide comments. Not to mention the effort of lugging all my crap to a new location. But, I think if I preplan it will be good for me. Good to focus, and get lots done. I've had HOF on the brain lately so maybe I'll get started on that. But in order to do anything...I've got to start printing pictures!

Nothing Stays the Same

2005-10-14T09:57:00.000-04:00

My life is a whirlwind of "What ifs" these days. It seems at every turn there is a decision to make, and in that decision reflection on how previous decisions could have been different.

First, I am happy to report Karl will be interviewing with the big Detroit firm in 2 weeks. It means we'll be spending our First Anniversary weekend sleeping in my inlaws guest room. Not exactly a romantic getaway, but I know we'll have a great time doing "downstate things" so I'm not too worried. We can have romance any time. And it does give us a good reason to leave town. It's easier to ask for time off "to celebrate our anniversary" than it is to say "I need time off to go interview somewhere else." So yes, we're being a tad sneaky.

Second, the not so happy news. I got word this morning that the woman who took over my show when I left, is leaving. She's taking on a far less stressful PR job with the local branch of a national organization. It's what she should have done to begin with. In the past year, she's driven the show into the ground. She doesn't handle stress well, never has, and was exactly the WRONG person for the job. But the damage is done now, and a part of me wants to rush in and pick up the pieces. I still hold such personal responsibility for that show. I made it mine. I gave it everything for 3 years. I want to make everything right.

But, I know that I can't. I made a decision to give it up and walk away. And as the wise wise Kelly says, you don't get redos. I guess, though, a part of me will always wonder. What if I made different decisions? What if Karl moved down to be with me, rather than me moving up here? What if I never left the station? What if I knew a year and a half ago that today Karl would be so unhappy with his employer that he'd want to move? Would I have fought to stay in my career, even though I knew I wouldn't want to be there forever?

I live my life so as to never have regrets. So I don't regret the move, and all the adventures that I've had in the past year. I guess I'm just prone to wonder.

Monday Monday

2005-10-10T09:06:00.000-04:00

First, Happy Birthday Grammy B. How sad is it to have your birthday be a no mail day? Tragic.
Speaking of Grandma's birthday, am I the only one who has anxiety about relatives getting older? I was thinking about this last night as I got ready for bed. My grandma didn't come to my wedding. Not because she couldn't travel, but because she chose not to, knowing that she wouldnt be able to smoke a cigarette for an entire day while she was flying, etc. To say I was hurt would be an understatement, but that's the power of addiction. Nicotene was more important. The truth is, she's had a rough life. An alcoholic during my mom's childhood and my early years, traded one addiction for another when she got sober. She's smoked her way through several chest xrays and a lung biopsy. Quit countless times, only to go back to her drug of choice when sucking lollipops made her gain weight. The whole thing breaks my heart and brings to the forefront the reality that she won't be around much longer. She didn't see me get married and I worry she might never meet her great grandchildren. How sad is it that I'm thinking about death on her birthday?

Walker and I have had a rough morning. Mr Curious must have snuck his head into the trash and ate something he shouldn't have yesterday..and today we're all paying the price. Already cleaned up the accident he had in his crate last night. Now I'm trying to burn every candle in the house and keep an eye on him to avoid any more accidents. Tonight when Karl gets home we'll give him a bath. I just don't think I have it in me to take on a 50 pound pooch in the bath tub by myself. That's comedy.

Happy news: my scrapbook room is clean and organized (except for the ribbon...I need to work on my ribbon jars) and the kitchen is clean enough to eat off the floor. I love the feeling of a clean kitchen. Part of me wants to run in there and make a 5 course meal, just because I know that everything is clean and there is an abundance of counterspace. The other, lazy, part of me wants to never cook in there again so that it stays as clean as it is right now :) The lazy part won out Saturday night. After cleaning the kitchen for several hours, I voted for frozen weight watchers pizza for dinner so the kitchen would stay clean. My ever accomidating husband agreed, and so we had nice big salads with pizza (WW for me, Stouffers French Bread Pizza for the man). Tonight though, I'll cook a real meal, but at least I know the dishwasher is empty and will be available to take the pots and pans.

~~~~~~~~~ (<- see that? That's Walker saying hi! He just jumped up on the laptop and made his presence known.) Now he's pacing around the house with his chew stick hanging out of his mouth looking like a big ole cigar. Big dog..bigger personality. I think there's a nice long walk in our immediate future, now that the sun is up and the fog is burning off.

Have a good Monday!

Let's get this show on the road...

2005-10-06T20:34:00.000-04:00

Confession...I have a short attention span. It's why working in tv fits me so well. You come in each morning, put a show together, and barring any breaking news, that show goes on the air as you planned it, and you go home. You come back in the next morning to a new show, new possibilities. I loved this about my job...very rarely did I have "home work." Sure, I could get a call in the middle of the night for a breaking story...I could be expected to work 16 hour days...I never got a day off in February, May, or November, but darn it, there was rarely a big project hanging over my head for longer than a few days.

Scrapbooking works well with my short attention span. I see the finished product within hours of starting. I can create something, and move on to the next project. Scrapbooking and I work well together. Now the submitting part...that tests my patience. Submitting and then WAITING for the call, and then if by the grace of God, you're lucky enough to be chosen, well then you get to WAIT some more...to see your work in print. I celebrated my first toot months ago, and still won't see my layout on the newstands until January. These people clearly don't know about my need for instant gratification.

But now there's something else I'm waiting on, and it's completely not in my control. Yeah that's another thing I'm not good about...giving up control. But back to the waiting...we're talking about waiting. A couple of weeks ago my dear husband brought up an interesting proposal...moving. Two weeks ago I would have told you we were here for the long haul. Was I happy about it? Um...no. But that was the life I was planning. And now, in those two weeks, the idea of moving has taken on a life of it's own.

First, Knoxville...a city that will always hold a place in my heart. The first place I made myself at home as a grownup. The city I learned well enough to know the great places to eat and when they weren't crowded, the backroads to avoid traffic, and the quiet times for shopping at the grocery. So much happened to me in Knoxville, it was natural to consider going back. So Karl applied for a job there, and found out that the firm was smaller than he wants. And since this move is for his career, it makes sense to pass on jobs that won't really further his goals. So I let the Knoxville dreams go, not really hard because I didn't have time to think about it.....

Knoxville was replaced with Detroit. It was my idea to first, but nixed by a husband who's never had to commute more than 2 minutes to work. But when he did some research he found several big firms with great mentoring programs. He got excited about the prospect. I tried not to get excited. Because honestly, as winter approaches in the Upper Peninsula, my flight response is kicking in in full force. So he sent off his resumes Thursday evening (after a thorough review by his "writer" wife) and we left it at that. I certainly didn't really expect to hear anything in the near future. You see, I'm used to getting a job in TV. It's works like this: you slave over a tape for weeks, to get just the right stuff to wow the News Director. You send the tape away in a nice bubble envelope with your resume. You get delivery confirmation so you can fight off the worries that it never made it to the station. The tape makes it, and promptly gets dropped in a bin. It will sit there until the whole bin fills up, and in some cases until several bins fill up. At that point, sometimes weeks or even months later, the news director resigns himself to sitting down and looking at tapes. He pops one in, and if you're lucky you're one of the first. Because that one actually gets looked at for more than 45 seconds. The more tapes he has to look at, the faster he pushes eject. And again, if you're lucky, something about your tape stands out, and you get a phone call for an interview. None of this happens quickly. I know this, both from going through the process myself, and from being the one the news director picked to suffer through looking at tapes with him.

Apparently, other industries don't work that way. Within 12 hours of submitting his resume, Karl had an email about scheduling an interview. And the next day he had an email from another firm to schedule a phone interview. That phone interview happened today. I was nervous. I was anxious. Karl did great. Except (and you knew there was going to be an except right?) they don't have a job open right now. Don't EVEN get me started about the whole accepting resumes when you have no position open thing.... So yeah, they want to consider him for a position they expect to open soon. So more waiting. We wait for the first firm to schedule the in person interview, and we wait for the second firm to have a position open up.

Bottom line is: I don't WANT TO WAIT! I want to start packing. I want to get on the road before there's a foot of snow on the ground. I want to feel settled. Or, I want to know that we're staying here. Because this limbo thing blows. And it blows all the more to know that there's nothing I can say or do about it. I can't even send out resumes of my own yet, because of financial considerations. My husband is the breadwinner. Even if I got a kick ass job at a Detroit station, I wouldn't make enough to support the two of us, pay rent in Detroit and cover the mortgage here until we could sell this place. Truth of the matter is TV just doesn't pay that much. I blame it on Katie Couric. If that perky little....well I'll refrain from calling names...if she wasn't paid 7 million dollars, they'd have more money for those folks who make her look good.

So now that I've ranted like a fool.....I get to go back to waiting. It's times like this that I'd love to know what God is thinking. Because I know He has a plan..it would be nice to have a peek though...

New Rule: Mandatory Spa Time

2005-10-03T08:49:00.000-04:00

I've made a monumental decision. I can no longer be a part of the general population during "that time" each month. It is better for all concerned if I am sent to a five star spa to be pampered for a few days. Nobody should disturb me with any news: happy, sad, or otherwise. Because the truth is, I am incapable of rational thought. I am manic. All I want to do is cry, and eat chocolate. Sure, the five star spa could get spendy, but the alternative: scary.

So yeah, I'm still entirely bummed that Kris won't be at Thanksgiving. I'm bummed that Karl won't get to meet little Jack. I'm bummed that Philip won't be there with his ridiculously sarcastic sense of humor.

The fact of the matter is, my Aunt Sherry held this family together. Even when we lived all around the country, everyone came to her house for Christmas. We slept on any spare patch of carpet available. We stayed up late playing pictionary. We could be seperate people, living seperate lives, but Aunt Sherry brought us home. When Aunt Sherry got sick, and had to move into a nursing home facility, Aunt Lori picked up where she left off. The family gathering became Thanksgiving instead of Christmas, and the location became "The Farm" instead of the house on Long Island. Things were different, obviously. Aunt Sherry couldn't be there. My cousin Kerin had removed herself from the family. But if you ignored those things, it was just as it was before. Staying up too late, eating too much, gathering in the kitchen for no real reason. But this year I can't ignore that Kris won't be there. And it won't be the same. When I'm calmer (read: less hormonal) I'll call her. And maybe then I'll feel better. Because right now, it just doesn't feel right. It feels like the reason she's not coming is an "excuse" and not a legitimate reason. I could be completely wrong, but a part of me feels like she's scared to come be with the family. She's scared to bring Jack. She's scared of how all of us will react to his diagnosis, how he will behaved, if she will be judged. And that just breaks my heart. I love her so much. And I know we all feel the same way. And we want the oppurtunity to love Jack too. She doesn't have to deal with things alone.

Have I mentioned I need a spa weekend???

In unrelated news...I'm puppy free today. Walker is off becoming slightly less of a man. Bless his little heart. He loves the vet. He was so excited to get there this morning. Little did he know what was in store for him. I'll be picking him up tonight, with plenty of pain meds I'm sure. Until then though, I have time to be productive. It's amazing how much I can get done without a little puppy underfoot all the time.

But I'd give up the productivity for that spa trip....anyone want to join me?

Dissapointment

2005-10-02T13:00:00.000-04:00

It's a fault of mine. I don't handle dissapointment well. I get excited about something, I count on it as a sure thing, and then when it doesn't happen I'm devestated. And I overreact ridiculously, and I wallow. It's just what I do.

And today is no different. I found out today that my favorite cousin, her husband, and her son won't be joining us at the farm for Thanksgiving this year. Honestly: the entire reason I'm going. I wanted to see Kris, Phil, and Jack more than I wanted to see my dad. Kris is that one person in my family who has always understood. She gets it. When she finally got pregnant after trying for six years I couldn't have been happier than if I myself was pregnant. When my aunt Sherry died, her mom, she was the one I was most worried about, the one who needed to be taken care of. When her son was diagnosed autistic, I did every bit of research I could. I've been looking forward to seeing her this Thanksgiving since the last time I saw her, at my wedding almost a year ago.

And now she's not coming.

It doesn't even matter why. I'm just so sad. I've planned so much for that weekend together. I even had pictures planned in my head. I had a HOF entry planned around it. And now she's not coming. And the thing is, she needs to be there. It's a family thing. And it's been such a hard year. She needs to be with family.

But she's not coming. And I'm more than dissapointed.

For a reason

2005-09-30T09:25:00.000-04:00

I can't tell you how many times I've been handed the line, "Everything happens for a reason." It's usually thrown out there when there's nothing to say, no explanation for why life sucks. So we swear God's got something else planned and we have to go through this to get to that. Normally, it doesn't make me feel better. Not at the time anyway.

When I got my job at the hospital, I thought it was the best possible option. I was working for the county's second largest employer. I had great insurance. And even though I was working a clerical job, I was lucky enough to be working in a department that related at least somewhat to my past life in tv. But as the weeks went by, as I saw how corporate my environment was, and what a truly NOT corporate person I am, I grew to dread work. I wasn't challenged. I had hardly anything to do, and the things I did have to do were boring. The only time I enjoyed my job was when I was doing someone else's. When I was writing an ad campaign (not my job) or voicing some commercials (not my job), or helping a patient find an office in the building (also not my job). It didn't take long before I felt like work was my own personal hell. I didn't know the "reason" I was there.

I left that job in July. Took a leap of faith that we could make things work on Karl's salary. That I could make some side cash doing what I love. And so far we've done okay. And having had some time to reflect on my time at the hospital I think I know the "reasons" I had to suffer through my time there.

First, it taught me what I don't want to do, and who I don't want to be. I'd never had a job outside of tv before. I thought I could handle working in an office. The truth is, it's just not who I am. I don't want to play the corporate game. I don't want to sit behind a desk all day. I don't want to spend my day NOT helping people.

Second, and more importantly, I met people. Working at the second biggest employer introduced me to enough people that I could finally find a few "of like mind." And now 2 months after I left, we're still friends. I finally feel like I have some sort of network here. Granted it's not large, but it's something. And that's enough for me.

So this morning I'm thankful for the reason behind everything. Sometimes it just takes a little while to figure it all out.

Favorite Fall Memories

2005-09-29T09:54:00.000-04:00

Dar's blog challenge this morning was right up my alley...your favorite fall memory. But for me, I can't just pick one. Fall is my favorite season. I think I start looking forward to it right after the 4th of July. So now, I present my top ten list of the things I love about fall.

10. Early Sunsets: Maybe I'm crazy, but I like it when the sun starts setting earlier. When I worked at the station, I loved walking home at dusk. The air was crisp and everything kind of sparkled. Now that I'm in MI, I love preparing dinner as the sun is setting. I love sitting in my scrapbook room working by the sunlight for as long as I can and then turning on the lights. Sure the long days are fun, but there's something cozy about long nights.

9. The Smells: Nothing smells quite like fall. People burning leaves, fires in the fireplace, all wafting through the window that I keep open until I simply can't take the chill anymore. Then there's the smell of cider on the stove, and pumpkiny things in the oven. Thanks to Yankee Candle I can enjoy these smells year round, but there's something extra special about the real thing.

8. The Colors: Okay, fall is a photographers dream. The leaves, the warm sunsets. Last year Karl and I went on a fall drive and I filled up my entire 256 compact flash card in 2 hours. My little 3 megapixel digital was smokin. I love the colors so much I based my wedding around them.

7. Sweaters, Jeans, and Ankle boots: Truth be told, I could live in a land's end catalog. My heaven is in front a fireplace, dressed warm, and wrapped in a nice fleece blanket. I'm a red head. Warm fall colors flatter me. And big fuzzy sweaters are so forgiving :)

6. Fall TV: Summer is about being outside. Fall is about must see tv. Season premieres, new series kicking off. It's also about sweeps, and for five years I never took a day off in November. But damn it was fun. Pulling out all the stops. Going on crazy road show adventures. And then walking home from work exhausted but happy.

5. College Football: Sure, this could go under number 6, since the only football I get to watch right now is on the tube, but as an SEC girl College Football gets a number all it's own. There is NOTHING like being in a stadium full of screaming fans. College students taking pride in their team. Former students reliving their college days. Parents of the team living their lives through the kids on the field. It's magical. And the armchair quarterbacks come out of the woodwork the next day on call in shows to explain what went wrong...or to declare the next Heisman trophy winner.

4. Candy Corn and Caramel Apple Cider: I love the smell, and the taste, and that somewhat waxy feeling when you take your first bite. The perfect candy...well besides chocolate of course. And the cider....oh how I miss Starbucks. That cider is perfect in every way from the smell to the last sip.

3. School supplies: The superorganizer in me gets so excited when there are new notebooks on the shelves. And folders. And fresh boxes of crayons. I can't wait to take my kids supply shopping. To pick out the perfect back pack and just the right lunch box. Although from what I'm told they'll lose them within the first week.

2. Family: I wrote in a previous entry about Thanksgiving on the farm. Memories like that are pure fall to me. Oh, and driving to the little downtown near the farm and invading for day after thanksgiving shopping.

1. My Wedding: Okay, if I had to pick a true favorite fall memory, it would have to be my wedding. Even before Karl and I got engaged I knew we would have a fall wedding. With chocolate bridesmaids dresses, peach roses, and flame calla lillies. Candles and leaves everywhere. Now planning a fall wedding in an SEC town, with friends around the country working in tv wasn't easy. Couldn't be in November, because of sweeps...nobody would be able to take off. Couldn't be during a home game weekend because the out of town guests wouldn't be able to find hotel rooms. We were left with one weekend in the entire season....October 30th. So I got married the day before Halloween...and made everyone from the caterer to the family promise there would be no pumpkins at my wedding. Famous last words.....my dad bought the party store out of masks, so that when we made our entrance to the reception, everyone we saw had masks on. And he bought blow up pumpkins and dressed them up as the bride and groom at the head table. Oh, and we all danced to the monster mash. Memories that will always make our wedding uniquely ours. As we prepared to walk down the aisle, I whispered to my stepdad and dad, "Well this is the most I've ever spent on a halloween costume" and that's the only reason we didn't cry the entire way up the aisle. My wedding...my ultimate fall memory.

4.8

2005-09-28T09:14:00.000-04:00

Somebody toss me a five pound bag of sugar, because that's pretty darn close to what I lost this week. 4.8 pounds. Plenty more to go, but after the day I had Monday, it was nice to get news like that yesterday. Ofcourse my thinking is so skewed that I was dreaming of what I could eat as a reward for the loss through the entire WW meeting. Thankfully though I reasoned myself out of eating anything off program yesterday. I honestly think I can be good until Thanksgiving....but the holidays are a whole new ball game.

It's got me thinking about all the memories I have that are associated with food. My topic for the upcoming Michigan Circle journal is "You are what you eat." Participants will share their food memories, favorite recipes, etc. I know I'm not the only one that ties so much of my growing up memories to the family table.

This Thanksgiving we'll be at my aunt's farm. I'm guessing between husbands, boyfriends, and the like there will probably be about 21 of us camping out in the 3 bedroom home on the property. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to it. But I can tell you that as much as I'm looking forward to it...Karl is about that nervous.

My husband has only had one experience with my family all together in the same place: the wedding weekend. And I think it's taken him a year to recover :) You see there's something funny about the Anderson women. We're all the same. We're outgoing, on occassion loud, and when one of us starts laughing it's not long before the rest join in. We also seem to marry the same kind of men. The quiet, rational ones. They stand on the sidelines and watch us act like fools, just shaking their heads and laughing. The husbands have their own sort of brotherhood, because they understand eachother. This thanksgiving, Karl will join the brotherhood. I'm guessing he'll spend a lot of time in the shed, learning how to forge from Uncle Roger.

But I was talking about food right? Well nothing says Anderson family Thanksgiving at the farm like food...lots and lots of food. I remember the last time. My aunt made her big pot of Swedish Meatballs. It's the recipe Aunt Lori won't give up until her death. And it's present at every family gathering. In fact, she even made some for my cousin Berni's wedding reception. Anyway, so there were meatballs. And they were in the kitchen, while we were all sitting in the family room playing trivial pursuit by the fireplace. Occassionally someone would get up to refill their plate. When the game was over, I remember going into the kitchen for one last meatball..and they were gone! I walked back into the room to pick on one of the guys, since surely they were the ones to polish off the whole batch. But I was wrong. It turns out when we weren't paying attention, Emily and Betsy, my two second cousins, chowed down on the bowl. Their poor little bellies. They had tummy aches for the rest of the day and I'm pretty sure they'll never eat another meatball again!

Darn it, now I'm hungry. It's a good thing the pounds are coming off now, because I have a feeling I'll be putting a couple on over thanksgiving weekend.

Rollercoaster

2005-09-27T07:50:00.000-04:00

Doesn't the universe know not to give me too much to deal with when I'm PMSing? Really, it's just not a good idea for anyone involved!

So, this weekend went well. We didn't make the money I was hoping we would, but I met several new customers, may now have a crop group established in that city, and learned a lot about how this show is run. The experience will better prepare us for the show in December. Oh, and we got invited to another show in a couple of weeks, so I'm leaving everything packed up until then. I WILL make enough money to go to CKU Chicago darn it!!! And then I'll have to figure out where I'm sleeping, since the hotel is already sold out.

But really, it's what's happened since the weekend has been over that's felt like a rollercoaster. Yup, the past 24 hours has been a bit nutty. It all started when we were still in Marquette. I was chit chatting with the woman who had the booth behind us. She was incredibly successful this weekend and is an old pro in this circuit. She mentioned that she has a storefront yearround. Nothing special just a place to "house her stuff" and a place for customers to find her in between shows.

Karl and I have talked about this a lot. It's my dream to have a storefront. I think I could reach so many more people than I do teaching out of my home. And it would be nice to not feel like our house is being taken over by boxes of inventory. But we've never found the right space...the right size, the right rent, the right time.

Until Sunday night. Driving home from the show we saw a space that had just been vacated downtown. A corner window, right near prime parking. So I scribbled down the number, and called Monday morning. The square footage was perfect, the rent was perfect, and the timing was perfect. So after Karl got off work Monday we went to take a look. And my heart fell. The store could not have been laid out any worse for my needs. No way it could work.

So we plugged on. Kept walking downtown and found another vacant spot. We could see through the windows that it was laid out much better. So I called the long distance number on the sign. Turns out the rent is even cheaper than the first place, for more square footage. The gentleman gave me the number for his local contact so we could see the place. I was thrilled. I was already painting in my head.

It's already been leased. Just a few hours before I called.

And the joy of living in a small town....there's just not many places to rent. Mall rent is out of control, and doesn't really fit my needs. Downtown is full, with the exception of those couple of places. And the new strip malls aren't complete yet, but probably will be out of our price range.

So maybe this is God's way of saying I should be keeping my eye on Knoxville. Or maybe God's just not a big fan of the business plan in general. I'd just appreciate it if these things could happen when my hormones were a little more stable.

Now, I must get up and get dressed. There's a scale waiting for me at the Weight Watchers meeting. Have I mentioned I'm PMSing? I want chocolate. I want cheesecake. And I will have some if that scale isn't nice to me today!!!

Craft Sale Mayhem and Madness

2005-09-23T08:42:00.000-04:00

Well, we're off. Karl is ratchet strapping the grid walls to the roof rack as we speak. And when he's done, this crafter is hitting the road. Three days of praying that my crafts will sell, and sell well. How good it would feel to not have as much to bring home as I had to stuff the car with this morning. I have no idea what the crowd will be like, but I've heard its huge, in the thousands. So there's hope. And how nice to maybe be able to go to CKU if I can make enough money?

Ofcourse then I'd need to find someone to share a room with...maybe someone will loan me a piece of their carpet and a pillow...

So I'll be MIA for the weekend. No clue if there's wireless at the hotel or if I'll even be coherent enough to write by the time the day is done. But think happy thoughts for me please. I'm gonna need them!

And special prayers to those in the line of Rita. One of my dear friends works tv in Houston. No leaving for her...and she's 7 months pregnant. Let's hope this storm isn't as bad as I worry it will be.

Kicking around a new idea

2005-09-22T11:37:00.000-04:00

So Karl and I have this crazy idea. Knoxville. Us. Living there. I've been missing it with every fiber of my being lately but have been quiet about it. Then I started receiving emails from old coworkers telling me I'm missed. And then I started thinking about another impending winter. But I still stayed quiet, because I moved here of my own free will. I made that compromise, and Karl loves it here.

Except he doesn't. And last night he told me there's a job he wants to apply for. A job in Knoxville. And would I want to go back there? Because it really grew on him when I was there. And it would put us 6 hours from his family, 7 hours from my aunt's farm, and only a 10 hour drive from my stepdad in Orlando.

So last night we looked at houses online that are in our price range. And it's so much easier to look at homes online when you actually know the area. It's a weird idea thinking of going back. Owning a home in Fountain city, walking distance to "our park". I haven't talked to anyone about it yet, because I don't want to get my hopes up.

We'll see if he gets a call back about the job, jobs actually because once he started looking he found 3 other jobs of interest. And if nothing else, maybe we'll get a trip down for an interview. And if the job isn't what he wants to be happy, I'll get a little taste of home again.

This could be very bad for my brain. I'm totally OCD. I will think this to death in the next few weeks. I will wonder "What if..." I will think about how much closer I will be to the rest of the world. I don't think I knew how isolated I would feel here. The fact that our nearest family is currently a 10 hour drive....and they live in the SAME STATE!!! Our itty bitty airport has only 5 flights a day. And they all go to Minneapolis, which means connections and expensive flights and long days of travel.

I love this little town...if only it wasn't so damn FAR from the rest of the world. I mean good Lord, the Michigan Peas are getting together to crop next month. Do you know how far I'd have to drive? 9 hours! If I lived in Knoxville and drove to the MI crop...7 hours. Go figure.

But I guess it boils down to whatever God has in store for us. I agreed when Karl proposed to follow my husband wherever God took us. I left so much in Knoxville, but knew I would gain so much here. And I have. I can be happy here. It's not what I would choose for myself, but I don't live by myself anymore. I live with an amazing man, an adorable dog, and two cute cats. Someday we'll raise a family. And if it's here, then I'll be okay with that.

And if it's in Knoxville, well then that's just the way God wanted it. Maybe I needed to leave there to see how much it truly was home. Don't know what you've got till it's gone.

We'll see....

Right Now...

2005-09-20T09:21:00.000-04:00

Saw a blogging challenge posted on two peas, so I figured while things are a little quiet I would blog about what I'm up to right now. Plus, who can resist blogging in bullets ????

Right now, Walker is pacing from window to window whining because he thinks he sees another puppy outside. In reality he sees his own reflection in my super clean windows. He's not the smartest dog in the world..but we love him anyway.
Right now, I'm debating starting a load of laundry, but I'm scared of the spiders in the basement. Normally I do okay with them, but Sunday I saw one that was the size of my palm, and now I am petrified to go down there alone. Why do they scare me do much? I can still smush it! It's not big enough to eat me. Sometimes I am completely irrational
Right now, I am missing my job hard core. I'm missing the feeling of being a part of a team, contributing a skill that is uniquely my own. Being part of that family. Going home after a days work completely exhausted, but so proud of what we put on the air. The reason for this feeling is this: www.wbir.com/news/news.aspx?storyid=28648 That's a link to my old station's website, a story/interview that ran on my show. Please watch the video and prepare to cry. You can bet I did, for an hour. That is why I feel the way I do about my job. That is why I will defend the news industry until I die. That is what I'm proud of.
Right now, I miss my friends. The ones I saw in that video, the ones who called me after it aired because they knew I'd want to see it. The ones that ask me all the time when I'm coming back. It's that old saying you don't know what you've got until it's gone. I knew I had wonderful friendships in Knoxville, but I didn't realize how much it was my home until I left it. Making a new home is hard.
Right now, I am crying again. Hormones are a pain.

Remember When?

2005-09-16T10:32:00.000-04:00

Remember when it was cool to make bad jokes about lawyers? Here I'll remind you..

Q: What do you call 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start

Ha ha ha. I remember the first time I heard that, and was sad because back then I thought I was going to be a lawyer when I "grew up." Supreme Court Justice actually...but you know, you've got to start somewhere.

And then, I was bit by the news bug. I'd always been a writer, and inquisitive, and my brain naturally went in a million different directions. I can multitask with the best of them. Sign that girl up to be a television news producer!

And I was for over 5 years. And I loved almost every moment of it. I say almost because I'm fairly certain that I slept through a few of those overnight moments. You see, as a broadcast journalist you work weird hours. Overnights, weekends, holidays. And a strange thing happens along the way. You morph into a strange inbred family. The people you work with become your brothers, sisters, moms, dads, husbands and wives. They get you. They understand. And it feels like you know everyone in the industry. And in some cases it's true. Because you all have to start somewhere. And even if you didn't work with bigtime reporter X, chances are he worked in the same market you did a few years earlier, and still stops by to say hello. Or he worked with the photog you're currently working with. Or you know someone who knows someone who used to rip he scripts. There's only 212 markets...I told you we're an incestuous bunch.

And we cry for eachother. Once you've experienced being on the media side of a big ugly story, you know how it feels. It stays with you. Keeps you up at night. You remember names, and faces. You do your best to tell the story...and you go to bed wondering if you did the right thing. So you might not be covering the current big story, but you feel for the reporters, photogs, and producers that are. Because you know how it feels.

So you know what's funny? I left my dream of being a lawyer to follow my dream of being a journalist. And one thing stays the same. Apparently now its cool to say bad things about journalists. Under the umbrella of bashing the "big bad sensationalist cold hearted evil MEDIA" Those media people are so political. They're so liberal. They're so cold hearted. They lie. And they don't tell the whole story. And they only show what sells.

This is what I woke up to this morning. And more than a year out of the industry, it still made me cry. I told my husband "I don't understand why they hate us so much" And it's true....it may have been a year since I sat in the booth but I still see it as "us." I will always be a producer, even if I never take on another show. I will always internally time segments. I will always notice things that nobody else will. I'll always have that random knowledge a mile wide and an inch deep.

It's just hard. It's hard not to scream at people to stop being mean to my friends!!! You don't know them. And if you did you wouldn't say the things you say. They're people too.

Time to pick on someone new. Somebody tell me a good joke about the guy who picks the golf balls out of the water hazard...

On the Menu

2005-09-14T11:24:00.000-04:00

I want to be Martha. Really. Or maybe I'd be better off shooting for Rachel Ray. I want to be Bree from Desperate Housewives (without the drama). In reality...I'm totally Susan. I'm a klutz, and often clueless. And biting off more than I can chew.

Like tonight's meal. We're poor newlyweds. I just quit my job and we just bought a camera. So we're not going out for dinner for Karl's birthday. Instead, I'm making dinner. God help us....

On the menu
Spinach Salad
French Bread
Burgundy Roast Beef
Creamy Dreamy Mashed Potatoes
Steamed Broccoli

and for dessert
Chocolate cake with Chocolate icing FROM SCRATCH!

I've been up since 7. Cakes are out of the oven and cooling
Roast is marinating. I'm about to go peel and cut up potatoes. I hope he likes it. I hope he loves it.

Because if he doesnt.....well we won't even go there :)

Oh, and I still have to finish his birthday layout!

A Different Kind of Pain

2005-09-12T13:21:00.000-04:00

I didn't think I could hurt more than I did on September 11th 2001. I felt lost and confused and thrown into a grown up world that I didn't want to be a part of. I was forced to make decisions, to watch my friends go out in dangerous situations to report on a story I didn't want to hear. I had to think about the unthinkable, and how we'd cover it. And all the while all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry until I woke up from the nightmare.

Last night, four years later, it hurt more than on that first day. In those first few hours I was thinking for myself. I knew my family was safe. I could throw myself into my work and sometimes it didn't feel real. But last night, Karl and I sat down to watch "The Flight that fought back" the documentary on the passengers and crew of United Flight 93. I can't say I wanted to watch it, but I felt like I had to. And Karl felt the same. So we sat there in bed. And for the first time in the 2 and a half years of our relationship, I saw my husband break down. I've seen him shed tears before, but last night he lost it. The kind of sobs that shake the bed. I felt scared, and broken.

And it was worse that September 11th, 2001, because last night, the most important person to me in this world was hurting, and there was nothing I could do to fix it. We both shed a lot of tears last night both before and after the movie. We held eachother, and we fell asleep as close as we could possibly be in the bed.

I'll never forget what happened on 9/11, and now I know I'll never forget how I felt 4 years later.

No Self Control

2005-09-09T19:39:00.000-04:00

I've concluded it's a good thing I don't have a local scrapbook store. Sure, I wish for one every now and then. I think how nice it is that some of my friends can go grab a piece of bazzill for a project, or see the new CHA releases in person rather than relying on the internet. Wouldn't it be nice to go browse for new things? Shop for a specific project?

NO!!!! Having access to supplies is BAD for me! BAD I tell you. Perfect example: I packed up a ridiculous amount of stuff to bring with me for Scrapfest. Lots of things to work on in my hotel room with my stepmom. But then I went to a LSS here, and dropped 75 dollars on new BG, and Chatterbox, and Scrapworks, and yadda yadda yadda. And that's not the worst part. I'm going to spend MORE money tomorrow.

Apparently the lack of self control that leads me to the oreos also applies to paper products. My husband should be very very glad there's not a good store within a 2 hour radius of our home. Our checkbook couldn't handle it.

Confession of a Newlywed..

2005-09-08T10:33:00.000-04:00

I know it's the cardinal sin of a relationship: thinking you can change someone. I once read a quote that said "The only time a woman can change a man is when he's still in diapers." And I understand it. I respect it. I married my husband for the man he was on the day I met him, and the love that has grown between us.

But I still want to change him...just a little.

And it's only one thing really, which listening to other people vent about their relationships, seems to be a pretty good deal. He tends to dress like a slob sometimes. And he's the first to admit it. My husband is not in the least bit a metrosexual. He doesn't care about clothes. If it's clean (or if it doesn't smell) he'll wear it. Holes? ok. Stains? no problem. He's completely content to walk about in a detroit lions tee shirt that is torn at the collar and literally wearing out at the seams. He doesn't buy new clothes, because the wardrobe he has is "fine."

He redeems himself by dressing nicely for work. He's one of a few in his office that still wears a tie on a regular basis, even though its not mandatory. And he looks hot. But it almost frustrates me more to see him look good because, the POTENTIAL is there. He looks amazing in a suit. My husband is a hottie....who chooses to wear things I wouldn't even put in the goodwill pile.

So sometimes, I'm a bit sneaky. Like today. We're going out of town for the weekend. Good times in Minneapolis. So, I'm packing for both of us. This way, I know that he will bring the jeans without the paint stains. Tee shirts sans holes. Heck he's even going to have a shirt with a collar for dinner. And what's funny is he won't even notice. He'll wear those clothes just as he would wear the torn Lions shirt if thats what I packed him. So if he doesn't notice, is it wrong?

I admit, I do feel a little guilty, and a lot superficial. But I want the world to see the handsome man I see. And a part of me wants to feel like I'm "doing my job" as a wife and seeing that he's taken care of.

Okay, just say it. I'm a dork.

Size DOES Matter!

2005-09-05T11:23:00.000-04:00

I'm in trouble. Deep deep trouble. Yesterday, while trying to catch up on challenges at two peas, I did the unthinkable. I cut a 12x12 piece of Bazzill into....8.5x11! And I turned it LANDSCAPE! And....I liked it.

So now, pardon my bluntness: I'm screwed. I've done two more layouts of this size in the past 24 hours. I like it. What's a 12x12 girl to do? Let me say that I started off as a CM scrapper. I started off in the scrapbooking world believing that you always do 2 page layouts and ofcourse you scrap in chronological order. It took me 2 years to do a one page layout and to realize that I could scrap whatever I wanted to without worrying about scrapping in order. I'm finally comfortable with that.

Now I'm scrapping two sizes??? I have to go find a new album???

I feel like I've opened pandoras box!

I am THANKFUL

2005-08-31T21:09:00.000-04:00

The wonderful Kelly on Two peas suggested all us bloggers should bond together and share what we are thankful for during this very difficult time. We're supposed to restrict it to a top ten list, but honestly, today I feel like I could go on forever. I have so many blessings, more than I deserve. But I'll pick ten. And tonight I'll say yet another prayer that someday soon the people of the Gulf Coast will count shelter and safety among their blessings.

On with the list...

1. My family: It took me a while to be comfortable with my highly disfunctional, divorced, remarried, seperated again kind of family. Definitely not the white picket fence breed. But now I know that I am blessed with so many more people to love, and to love me. I have a stepdad who has never once made me feel like I was not every bit his daughter. I have step grandparents who have shared my milestones with me. I have more love than many people are blessed with.

2. My health: There have been some scares this year for both Karl and I. But at the time we were blessed with awesome health insurance and smart doctors. And in the end, it wasn't the big bad terrible things we thought it might be, but rather a reminder to slow down, prioritize, and appreciate life. It's nice to go to bed knowing we're healthy.

3. My faith: I have never known a time when I didn't believe in God, and believe that He has control of my life. There are moments I doubt my ability to make it through things, or to accomplish my goals, or make the right decisions, but never do I doubt that God's got me covered.

4. My marriage: The product of divorced parents, I didn't really have a great example of marriage. I saw my parent's disfunction, and Erica Kane and her 8 or so walks down the aisle. I told myself I'd never walk down the aisle until I knew I meant "till death do us part" I'm lucky that Karl feels the same way. So when he gets sick of me, and when I get sick of him, we're just going to have to get over it. Because murder is illegal, and divorce isn't an option. The best part of my day is waking up to a good morning kiss and falling asleep at night in his arms.

5. My home: Yes, we get 300 inches of snow a year, and we don't have a Target or a scrapbook store of any consequence. But I have a home, and room to make myself comfortable. I have a husband who is supportive of my need to "be Martha" and helps me paint the ceiling because I'm too short. I hope that someday we outgrow this place, as we raise a family, and that we're all closer because of our shared space.

6. My creativity: I have an outlet. More than one actually. I can create. It's as much a part of me as my hair and eye color. The need to turn nothing into something. I love to write, I love to take pictures. I love to scrapbook. I feel right when I'm doing those things.

7. My country: Some days it seems "hip" to be anti-American, anti-Bush, anti-society. But I can't be that. I love my country, I believe that deep in the heart we are good people. Yes, we have more than other nations, and sometimes we are ungreatful for that. I support our President and voted for him with pride. I think when it comes down to it, there is no other place I'd want to live. And I thank God every day for the soldiers who are giving their lives to make sure we stay safe.

8. My friends: There are few better things in the world than knowing you have someone (or more than one someone) that you can call at 3 in the morning to cry. I am blessed to have those friends, and ones that I can call and laugh with. I have friends who can finish my sentences for me, who can tell what I'm thinking with a look. I don't have sisters, but I have women who could be. We're spread around the world. but always only a phone call, email, or flight away.

9. My dog: Walker saves me every day. He makes me get out of bed in the morning and get outside. He sets my day in motion. Sometimes, I'm sleep deprived and grumpy, but I know full well that without his whines and kisses I could easily sleep the day away. I could fall into the unemployed depression thing that I know I could do so well. But Walker doesn't let that happen.

10: Technology: How's that for a catch all phrase? Indoor plumbing. Email. Cell Phones. Two Peas in a Bucket (and peamail). 24 hour news networks. Online shopping. I can't say I love it all, all the time, but you take the good with the bad. And for me, technology is a blessing I'll always be thankful for, even if the learning curve keeps getting steeper.

So there you have it. My ten reasons that I will go to be smiling tonight.

I hope will too.

Oh the Places You Will Go...

2005-08-29T14:34:00.000-04:00

This week's journal topic on Two Peas is travel...ten places you'd like to see in this lifetime. So without further ado, ten places I'd love to visit for a week, or two, or three:

1. Greece: I grew up with an aunt and uncle (you know the kind that are not at all related to you, but so close to the family as friends that they become adopted relatives?) who were from Greece and spent several months a year at their home there. Their stories always fascinated me. I think a Mediterannian cruise would be heavenly.

2. New York City: Truth be told, I've been there plenty of times. But my dear Karl has never seen the Big Apple. I've made it my goal to take him there and do all the touristy things we can squeeze into our waking hours. Keep an eye out for us outside the Today show some day :)

3. St Augustine, on the 4th of July: This is another place I've been to before, but loved so much, that I want to take Karl. Such a beautiful city. Such a great 4th of July celebration. I want to show Karl.

4. Venice: I've been there too...yes I know, we're establishing a pattern here. It's just that there are some places that really touched me. And now that I'm married I feel like I want to go back and live them all over again with Karl.

5. Ireland: Never been there, but when I was really little I promised my mom that I would take her when I had a million dollars. I doubt I'm ever going to make it to a million dollars, but it sure would be nice to keep that promise to my mom.

6. The Outer Banks: Still kicking myself for not visiting there when I lived in TN. Beachside condo/villa/hole in the wall. Sounds perfect to me.

7. Seattle: What can I say, I wanna catch a fish in waxed paper. I wanna see the space needle.

8. Havana: Living in South Florida, Cuba has always interested me.

9. Alaska: Put me on a cruise ship and send me off in that general direction. The whole idea of Alaska is fascinating to me.

10. Toronto: I have some friends I've never met who live there.

And there you have it....I'm sure I can cross a few off that list in the next 50 years or so :)

Sssh Don't Tell

2005-08-29T10:14:00.000-04:00

I'm not supposed to be online right now. I told myself I'd go computer free for 5 hours today. I made it an hour. But in my defense, I needed to look something up online for the business, and I was REALLY productive in that hour I was offline. As soon as I'm done here, I'm going to go for another hour. Maybe if I work an hour at a time, with 15 minute breaks I can wean myself from this place? Ugh, I hate my computer addiction.

Walker is evolving from puppy to dog. This morning he was downstairs in the living room with me when we heard a loud noise (I think the city is doing some digging down the street). In normal circumstances he would have looked at me, and maybe even cowered a bit. Today, he got up went to the window and barked and growled!!! Let me just say, I'll no longer be afraid to be by myself if Karl has to travel on business. The dog can BARK! Thankfully nobody but me knows he'd probably kiss you to death before attacking.

Another funny Walker story: last night Karl took him out one more time before bed. As they were walking back upstairs, I heard Karl tell him it was time for bed. Well, Walker decided to take that quite literally and ran upstairs, into our room, and sprawled out in bed on top of me!!! By the time Karl heard my cries for help, Walker had moved over to his side of the bed and was looking quite comfy. I don't know where he gets that from since we NEVER let him in bed with us (partially because I'm still afraid he might pee!) but he looked seriously adorable. Darn the camera for being downstairs. It was hard to do, but we did manage to avoid the cute puppy eyes and took him back to "his room" for him to sleep for the night.

In more somber news, I can't stop watching the hurricane coverage. I've never been to New Orleans, but its one of my stepdad's favorite places in the world. I'll be praying for all affected.

Somebody's Watching Me

2005-08-28T13:23:00.000-04:00

Ever get that feeling? I was just sitting here, checking my email and suddenly I felt like there were eyes on me. And there were, 4 of them to be exact. Attached to my two much loved cats Abby and Andie. Apparently the food bowl is empty, and this calls for an all out staring contest. Not that either of them would starve from lack of food for an hour or two, but those eyes...oh the guilt. So now the bowl is full and they can go back to ignoring me until they need something else.

I've been busy this weekend working on inventory for the upcoming WLUC-TV6 craft show I'll be participating in. This show has strict rules that everything sold on premises must be hand made. It's to avoid people who go out and buy el cheapo "handmade looking" items and try to outsell the vendors who spend months getting inventory together. I tell you, it's not easy putting together enough inventory to sell to a large crowd for 3 straight days. This will be my first show, but I've heard good things about the turn out. Regardless it will be fun to meet people and chat. Spend a weekend away from my self imposed solitude.

It's also fun to spend this weekend "working" with Karl. Every time I read about an unsupportive husband I have to thank God for what a blessing he's given me in Karl. I mean the man SEWS for me!!! That's right! I spent yesterday afternoon assembling these nifty photo mats we made and then passing off them off to him to be put through the sewing machine. The sad thing is he probably knows that machine better than I do.

Every now and then I'll be sitting there reloading a tape runner, or bagging a photo mat and I'll space out. I'll start thinking about all the other small businesses I've heard of, that started at the dining room table. And I get so overwhelmed with how much fun I'm having! And I get to do this with Karl! Dude! I'm totally lucky.

I just said Dude. Please forgive me.

No More Chunky Monkey

2005-08-26T15:47:00.000-04:00

My love affair with Ben and Jerry's is over. No more Chunky Monkey, Cherry Garcia, Phish Food. I love their ice cream, but I can't support a company who is not supporting the troops.

If you've been following the Cindy Sheehan story, Ben Cohen (of Ben and Jerry's) is the major financial backer of her protest in Crawford and around the country. I am incredibly sorry that Cindy Sheehan lost her son, but I honestly feel she's tarnishing his memory by claiming he didn't die for a noble cause. I am so proud of and respectful of our troops. They are amazing men and women who are protecting us. They deserve to be honored. What's going on in Crawford isn't honoring them. It's a political circus. And the people who are funding Cindy's protests aren't doing it to bring an end to the war. They just want to throw some egg on the face of our president. They're still bitter over losing the election. They're making the death of her son political. And the sad thing is, someday down the road, those people are going to drop Cindy Sheehan in favor of someone new to throw in the media spotlight. Then she'll be alone, to deal with her grief. Who will support her then?

As for me, I'm not a soldier. I'm not out there fighting to protect our country. And I doubt boycotting Ben and Jerry's is going to make a big difference either. But I feel like its the right thing to do. So there you have it. Maybe I'll even lose some weight :)

Proud Momma

2005-08-25T15:36:00.000-04:00

I am proud to say Walker is officially housetrained! We havent had an accident inside in a long time, but I still wasn't sure if he really "got it" or if we were just lucky to catch him in time and take him out. But lately hes been dancing around next to the door when he needs to go. And this morning, he proved he knows!!! I was on the phone with my back to the door when he walked over there and did his little routine. I didnt notice because I was distracted. Well lo and behold, he barked!!! He knew to get my attention, and the moment we went outside he took care of business right away! Yes, I just spent an entire paragraph of my blog discussing the bowel habits of a canine. I'm okay with that. After all, I am the proud puppy mom after all. He's not perfect though. He still goes hunting for delicacies in the litter box. Perhaps perfection is too much to ask for? That's okay, I'll take housebroken over perfect any day.

Risks and Rewards

2005-08-23T08:40:00.000-04:00

Taking risks is not my strong suit. I mean I do it, because life often leaves me with no other choice. But make no mistake: I hate it. Anxiety is my middle name. I have internal debates that could make anybody dizzy. I think and think and think until I'm not even sure what I'm thinking about. Secretly I want someone to come up, tap me on the shoulder and give me the right answer before I have to make the decision for myself.

You know what's silly? Risks shouldn't bother me as much as they do. I'm almost always rewarded for taking big risks. I went to college thinking I wanted to go to law school, but got sucked into broadcast news and took a leap of faith and changed my major. That risk brought me to an amazing fulfilling career and a great college experience full of friends who were of like mind. When it came time to find a job after graduation, I accepted one in a state that I had never even visited. That risk led me to the perfect station for me to learn and excel. When I left there three years later I had made myself a home in Knoxville and been promoted 3 times to one of the senior most producing positions. I met my husband through the biggest risk of all...posting my profile on Eharmony. What a reward! My soulmate.

So why do I still worry? And why do I still doubt that God will lead me in the right direction? I struggled so much with quitting my most recent job. It made me miserable. I cried on a daily basis. There was nothing about that job that was good for me, but I was still SO afraid to leave. So afraid to take that risk that things would work out as they should. But once again God has provided. Since I left my job a month ago I've acquired several new custom scrapbooking clients. I've fulfilled my dream of being published in a scrapbooking magazine. I've met more local scrapbookers who want to take classes with me. And now this morning I found out I'll be joining a design team that will work with a major scrapbooking manufacturer. It's taken less than a month for the life I've dreamed about to be laid out before me.

So I ask, why do I still worry?

And so it begins....

2005-08-05T13:09:00.000-04:00

I guess it was only a matter of time before I started a blog. A place to share my thoughts, pictures, and creations.

It's exciting to start something new.